Aside from depressing the world silly, there’s nothing that Jon and Kate Gosselin like more than a good old competition.
Remember when Jon and Kate split up? They had a competition to see who was the biggest underdog. And then that somehow gave way to their competition to see who could come off as the most genuinely abhorrent. And now they’re having a competition to see who can be more sorry for their behaviour.
On Sunday Jon Gosselin told a Jewish Centre that he was sorry for everything, but Kate’s not taking that sitting down – she’s appeared on TV to tell the world that she’s so sorry for every single thing she’s ever done in her entire life that it sometimes makes her poo blood. Or something.
If Jon and Kate Gosselin are remembered for anything – and we’d literally give away every possession we own to make sure they aren’t – then it’ll probably be the way they redefined the K?bler-Ross grief model. Usually, as everyone knows, grief consists of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – but the pattern that Jon and Kate followed in the wake of their split has altered our perception of grief forever.
You see, first there was denial – as Jon and Kate tried to stick together for the sake of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Then came anger. Then some more anger. Then some more anger. Then they got a bit more angry. And then the anger went on for a bit. And now they’ve leapfrogged the rest of the stages to arrive at acceptance more or less simultaneously.
Yesterday we told you how Jon Gosselin was so sorry for the way he’s treated Kate Gosselin that he went all the way to a high-profile Jewish Centre – even though it literally made no sense to anyone for him to do so – to bare his soul. And now it’s Kate’s turn. She’s also sorry for the way she treated Jon, you know. So very, very sorry. E! Online reports:
“I was very hard on him and I would never deny that. I felt very much like a lot of weight rested on my shoulders. I was wrong to treat him that way. Was it good, healthy and wonderful? No. Am I proud of those moments that were captured? No… I still wake up every day, and I think the phone will ring,” Kate began, her voice cracking, “and it’ll be the old Jon.”
It’s nice to see that both Jon and Kate Gosselin have arrived at a place where they can both apologise for everything they’ve done wrong. Although, given their history of media one-upmanship, it’s only going to be a matter of time before Jon has to reassert his apology, adding that he also blames himself for the weather, before Kate fires back by apologising profusely for the way that her DNA has made a couple of her kids look a bit funny. That’ll be followed, obviously, by Jon Gosselin remorsefully claiming that he started the Israeli-Palestine conflict by himself for a bit of a giggle.
The last stage of grief in the Jon and Kate Gosselin model, by the way, is shutting up and leaving us alone forever. We’re quite looking forward to that stage.
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Sunny says
Sadly it’s almost sounding like they’ve not only bounded directly into “acceptance” but might be leaning toward running back into each other’s arms. You know, for the sake of all those children…
Should that occur, Mr. Heritage, this could be their new show song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2vvOPsiVdU Wouldn’t that be special? hahahaha
magnetite says
The Gosselins’ life story screams ‘lead up to grisly murder/suicide’.