OK, so that headline might seem like a bit of a downer, and a bit of a non-starter for such an esteemed organ as the ?Spray. But bear with me ? it's about the X Factor – X Factor! X Factor and sex!
Ok, so it’s about contestants that were on it two years ago, but that’s still relevant though, right? No? It’s got sex in it, that’s at least topical right? Getting excited yet?
No, us neither, but you're bored at work and want to goof off for five minutes, and depend on the validation of strangers over the internet to survive to the point where you feel like you might start to disappear like Marty McFly?s family in Back To The Future 2, then if we play our cards right we can both get something out of this. Deal?
The X Factor is a bit like a bad one night stand in that you tend to have to be drunk to get any enjoyment from it, and when you relive the experience you realise that you spent a disturbing amount of time with people who look and dress like abused clowns and who probably even faked their way through most of the performance.
Well, there's all that and the fact that it leaves you with the nagging suspicion that an important part of your soul has been killed by the anonymous screaming of borderline underage girls forced to dance in front of a large audience for the acclaim of an all powerful judge with horrifyingly awful dress sense.
Actually, that's probably saying more about us, come to think of it. And probably Wagner.
Do you know who it doesn’t feel like a sickening sexual experience for?
Contestants from two years ago, that's who. Specifically Diana Vickers and Olly Murs ? although you might remember them as ?the annoying one who apparently had feet that were too deformed for shoes to fit? and ?the boy with a face to big for his head?.
In an interview with Heat magazine Vickers said:
Nothing happened, honestly. He’s so lovely, and we know each other through our management.
He’s hot, gorgeous and very charming, but it’s never entered my mind. We get on really well and he makes me laugh a lot, but that’s it.
Okay, so she's pimping her new album so perhaps she hasn't completely disappeared off the radar, but Murs? Last I heard his head was being filled with helium and being used as the star attraction at the Bristol International Balloon Fiesta. Frankly, even he doesn’t remember he was on the show at this point.
So there you go then. Nothing has happened, and it didn't happen two years ago.
Now get back to your spreadsheet.
Tom says
Um! I think you have your X-Factor contestants mixed up.
Olly Murs was on last year – 2009 (came 2nd), now signed to EMI, and has just had a No.1 Single.
You must be thinking of Eoghan Quigg (he came 3rd), who was on the same year as Diana Vickers – 2008, and has subsequently disappeared. :-)
Fact checking, it’s called that for a reason.