Nigella Lawson and her husband share a wealth of about £110 million, but her kids can piss off if they think they're seeing any of it.
In a recent interview, Nigella Lawson has stated that she's refusing to leave her children any money in her will, because she thinks that rich kids are arseholes and that not earning money "ruins people."
Nigella Lawson married a man worth £100 million and lives in his £7 million Belgravia mansion. And her dad used to be Chancellor Of The Exchequer. We're just saying.
You know what the world needs more of? Poor posh people. No, really, poor posh people are the best. With a poor posh person, you get all of the grating behaviour you'd except from the privileged – like the nails-across-a-blackboard voice, the embarrassing name, the condescension, the endless talk of childhood skiing holidays – with none of the upsides, like them suddenly deciding to buy you a pony on a mad posh whim.
Plus, since they're poor, they've probably decided to give dreadlocks a go. Poor posh people are brilliant. So it's just as well that Nigella Lawson is hell-bent on creating a couple more of them by not leaving her children any money at all when she snuffs it.
Speaking to My Weekly, Nigella Lawson revealed her plans to leave the kids out of her will:
"I am determined that my children should have no financial security. It ruins people not having to earn money. I argue with my husband Charles, because he believes that you should be able to leave money to your children. I think we'll have to agree to disagree."
In a way, we can see where Nigella Lawson is coming from here. She just wants to protect her children and stop them turning into Paris Hilton, and that's fair enough. Plus this way Nigella's final words get to be a croaked "fark off, you ain't getting nuffink!" and who can really say they haven't wanted to go out like that?
Plus all child psychologists agree that the healthiest thing a parent can do is raise their children in a £7 million mansion with a fleet of staff to carry out their every whim surrounded with enough money that they could literally want for nothing and then tug it all away from them by screwing them over in the will leaving them with tit-all. We swear we read that somewhere.
But now that she's not going to leave diddly-squat to her children when she dies, that leaves Nigella Lawson with an awful lot of money to try and burn through in her final years. Whatever could she spend it on? More tinfoil dresses? Enough cream cakes to make her arse continue to swell up like an infected cyst?
Or will Nigella Lawson spend her money on furthering the ridiculous Nigella Express pretence that she's a normal busy mother who rides the bus to work by recreating a full-scale Victorian slum to set her next series in, where all her recipes will heavily feature dead rats and baby-scabs, because she read in Tatler that that's how normal people live these days?
Frankly, who gives a shit. But at least it's good to see that Nigella Lawson is already giving her two kids – Mimsy Sniggleberry and Tarquarthaaar VIII, we think they're called – a head-start on knowing what it's like to be poor by giving them the shittest haircuts in all of history. That's bound to help them when she dies. That and the commemorative spatula she plans to leave them. They have to share it, though – Nigella's seen how one spatula each can ruin people.
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Carmela says
have you actually seen her rat faced children? never mind £110million inheritance -it doesnt look like theyve ever had a wash. or haircut. thats how they roll in ther enzzzz tho init