Thor is going to be a huge movie for Marvel – if all goes well, it’ll end up as its first humiliating flop.
Don’t take that for granted. If Thor is really going to be as headache-inducingly terrible as can be – if it truly has its eyes set on the highest peak of catastrophic awfulness known to man – then it must take down some A-list actors with it. So thank heavens that Natalie Portman has signed up for Thor.
But Natalie Portman has her work cut out. Can she make Thor as woeful as she made Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? Doubtful.
Say what you like about Marvel, but it knows how to attract quality actors to its projects. Iron Man had Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow, The Incredible Hulk had Edward Norton and now Thor will star Natalie Portman. If we’ve done our sums correctly – and we’re pretty sure we have – then this means that in 2016 we’ll be finally treated to the She-Hulk adaptation starring 81-year-old Dame Judi Dench that we’ve all been looking forward to so feverishly.
But let’s get back to the case at hand. Natalie Portman has agreed to take a role in the upcoming Marvel movie Thor, to be directed by Kenneth Branagh. What does that mean? Well, at first glance Natalie Portman’s involvement would suggest that the movie will revolve around Thor falling in love with a quirky elfin hipster who is supposed to symbolise the idealistic freedom of youth but in reality will symbolise every person we’ve ever wanted to punch in the mouth. Also, Zach Braff will play Thor. Also, it’ll have a largely Iron & Wine soundtrack. Also, it’ll be terrible.
What? Almost every part of that last paragraph is a lie? Apparently so – in fact, Thor will be played by Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman will actually be playing Generic Superhero Love Interest: Medicine Edition. Reuters reports:
Portman will play Jane Foster, who in early comic-book lore was a nurse who became Thor’s first love… The story centers on Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. As punishment, Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans. But once here, he learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth.
So let’s get this straight – the film will take Thor from his usual home and ask him to battle an old adversary in the unfamiliar setting of a big American city? We can’t work out if that makes it sound more like Super Mario Bros or Masters Of The Universe. Oh, who cares – they were both gigantic box office smashes, weren’t they?
Weren’t they? Hello? Anyone?
andries price says
i like natalie portman as jane foster on thor i like natalie portman she’s pretty hott sexy and beautiful i hope i meet her and i like her so i like natalie portman as jane foster on thor movie so i will see her on thor movie in theatres may 2011 see ya.
TYRiAX says
Wasn’t the Incredible Hulk already Marvels first humiliating flop?