We’re worried about Robert Pattinson – no, genuinely – we are worried about the vampire-man from the Twilight films.
After all, being relentlessly pursued all your life (for the last year) by a bunch of shrieking, cloying tweens and spinsters is hard enough. Throw in those devastating floods of urine and it’s sure to annoy anyone.
Even a plank of wood with a face drawn on it, which is exactly what Pattinson seems to be.
And it would seem we’re not alone, as Twilight co-acting person Michael Welch has expressed his discomfort at the attention lavished on young Planky.
After the shocking news the other week where the astonishingly idiotic fans of Robert “Rob” Pattinson nearly killed him by ruthlessly pushing him under the wheels of a speeding juggernaut as if fuelled by the combination of burning lust and ferocious jealousy…
Wait… what?
Oh, sorry – we meant to say: “nearly killed him by attempting to rape him in the street, which caused him to get clipped by a taxi as he fled for his life/sanity”.
Anyway, after that news we weren’t the only ones to hope that the frightening hordes out there clawing for “Rob”‘s skin as a trophy would calm down. Michael Welch said some words to MTV News:
“I don’t see how this is sustainable – is this gonna keep going for the rest of his life? I understand it, it’s Edward Cullen, I get it. But he’s still Rob Pattinson first – he’s still his own guy. Is it time to start getting concerned here? It’s tough, man. I don’t know where his life is really headed.”
To be honest, it was probably time to start getting concerned when hecklerspray posted a couple of innocuous, clever and downright witty slights on the character of Robert Pattinson, only to be deluged with threats of genuine violence* on our persons. His fans are, shall we say, “a bit obsessive”.
But would Welch trade in his semi-obscurity for the fear of being pursued down every street he ever walks on, just because he did a bit of half-arsed acting based on a book written by an adjective-loving Mormon? Yes. Yes he would.
“I don’t wish I had Rob’s life at all. I’m glad he’s okay. And as long as people don’t start ripping at him and breaking him in two, I think we’ll be okay… I wish him the best, and hope he’s going to be all right.”
Oh wait – that’s a no. Got those mixed up there.
*May be an exaggeration**
**As in, no violence was threatened***
***But hecklerspray was saddened when it was insulted, as was its beautiful, thin, smart and funny Twilight-reading girlfriend, who was also insulted****
****You people should be ashamed*****
*****Robert Pattinson has a flat face and cannot act very well.
julie says
And he stinks
Erica says
I’m not going to defend Robert Pattinson like most, but I will say if you look at allot of other actors when they first started, they look like amateurs compared to their on screen presence they devolop 10 years down the road… I think there is something to be said for “experience” and he has been given the green light to go get that experience, now it’s up to him not to F&%$^$ it up… Twilight was a good gateway for young actors simply because of the fan base, but if you were a recongized actor it would NOT be in your best interest to be in a “low” production like the first Twilight… now with revenue produced form the first film perhaps they can create a slightly more realistic feel to the movie… maybe pay for a few acting classes for the cast as well! hah!
robot says
Blimey, not many comments for an article involving Pattinson. This will not be tolerated, therefore:
“OME do u lyk, FANCY Rpatz or sumfin? Face lyk a plank ov wood? Are U kiddin? Just coz u cnt get a gf………..”
Hurrah.
Michelle says
I hate you, Heckler Spray. BUT you do have a good point. Girls, you need to back off. Rob is no god!!!! Sure he’s charming, good-looking and talented (raspberries to you Heckler), but he is still only a man! He is barely a man at that. There are “real” men (by real, I mean that you can actually touch them without get assaulted by body guards) out there who possess those same qualities. IF YOU DON’T BACK OFF, HE IS GOING TO END UP DEAD!!! I can’t stress that enough. As far as the spinster remark . . . piss off Heckler Spray. I’ll bet that the mature female fans were Duranies in the 80’s. We were that nuts too with Simon, Nick, John, Roger and Andy (I can’t believe I remembered all their names, I must not be that decrepit) Now Duran Duran just looks old, still talented though. I can do without seeing Simon in speedo ever again. Rob will age too and his fans enthusiasm will die down just as it did with Leo, Brad and Tom should he live that long.
Dandan says
I think that people seriously need to stop obsessing over him and every other actor it’s just perfetic u can’t have them give it a rest … I love rob but u dnt see me being a stupid stalker and u think u love him but u go out n basically try n kill him coz ur insane seriously get a grip yeh he’s gawjus n I don’t care what yu fink but seriously love him from a far like normal people!!!!!!!