Michael Parkinson – a man whose sole purpose on this Earth is to remind you that you have no friends and that your life is ultimately worthless every single Saturday night – has decided to retire from his chat-show after 36 years.
That's not to say that Michael Parkinson is retiring fully, though – as well as keeping his Radio 2 show, Michael Parkinson will write his autobiography and consider any other television opportunities – but it does mean that Parkinson will be spared the weekly grind of trying to make people like Martine McCutcheon look clever or interesting. However, don't think that Michael Parkinson's retirement will be permanent – let's see how sick of his chat-show Michael Parkinson is in a couple of years when he invariably winds up presenting a late night cricket-based panel show on UKTV Gold.
Michael Parkinson is a television legend who, by his own admission, isn't afraid to ask the tough questions. Having seen Parkinson semi-regularly over a number of years, we can assume that these 'tough questions' include "Would you like to tell us a funny story?" and "Oooh, you're lovely aren't you?"
But now Michael Parkinson has announced his retirement from his eponymous chat-show – you know, the one that really captures the Saturday night crowd by being sponsored by some biscuits – we'll have to bid a fond farewell to the trademark Michael Parkinson interview technique where he asks a question and then swings his chair around 180 degrees so the guest, scared witless by basically having to talk at an old man's back, ends up blurting out their deepest secrets. Or the Michael Parkinson interview technique where he flirts with the ladies, even though he's 72 now, which must be a bit like being aggressively stalked by a wee-smelling care home escapee. Anyway, The Independent quotes Michael Parkinson's retirement speech:
"After three enjoyable and productive years at ITV, and after 25 years of doing my talk show, I have decided that this forthcoming series will be my last. I'm going to take next year off to write my autobiography and consider other television projects. My thanks go out to all those who have worked on the shows down the years and the viewers for their loyal support and occasional kind words."
It's unknown what's made Michael Parkinson decide to retire at this moment, though we notice that recently Parkinson guests have included Ken Dodd, Orlando Bloom and Patrick Kielty which, for a man who has interviewed Muhammad Ali, Orson Welles and James Stewart, must be a little bit like slowly pushing a rusty spike through your eyeball.
But don't worry Michael Parkinson fans; just because you won't be seeing your hero asking increasingly irrelevant, long-winded questions about nothing to people you genuinely don't care about, it doesn't mean that Michael Parkinson will be disappearing for good. He'll still keep his Radio 2 show, for example. You know, the one that discovered Jamie Cullum and Katie Melua. The one that's half jazzpop and half bitter old man complaining. The one that feels like an enforced trip to your gran's house.
Which is something, we suppose.
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Valencia McGoonagle says
You forgot about the interview technique where Michael Parkinson says one word clearly and then mumbles worldlessly for 30 seconds. I’d forgotton he was even on TV actually
Mithaearon says
I loved it when he interviewd Natalie Cole a few years back, she gave this heart felt almost in tears story of how the KKK burnt a cross on her lawn when she was a kid and the ol’ duffy clearly not listening or careful chuckled in the way he does and said “thats nice” :P