In life, Michael Jackson always had a touch of the Willy Wonkas about him – reclusive, eccentric, fond of kids.
But in death? Well, in death the comparison’s gone berserk. Not only was the audience for yesterday’s Michael Jackson memorial service doled out via a lucky ticket-style lottery system, but Michael Jackson himself made sure he was front and centre throughout the show in his great big shiny coffin. How nobody started a mass singalong of I’ve Got A Golden Casket is beyond us.
But what a show the Michael Jackson memorial service was. Try and top that, Gary Glitter.
OK, good, that’s it. Michael Jackson has died, his memorial service is over and his family has held a private service for him. That’s it. It’s all over. Unless you count the inevitable child custody battle, the inevitable legal squabble over his estate, the toxicology results and the potentially upsetting news it’ll bring and the fact that none of this is clearly even partially over, in which case you’ll realise that this is just the tip of a grotesque, oddly-faced, squeaky-voiced iceberg.
Because of this, yesterday’s Michael Jackson memorial service in LA’s Staples Centre wasn’t the full stop that everyone had hoped it’d be, rather a slapdash comma separating Michael Jackson’s death from the morbid news about all his alleged drug addictions, tell-all interviews with his staff and rush-released sensationalist biographies called things like Michael Jackson: He Had A Disturbing Face And You Wouldn’t Exactly Trust Him Around Your Kids, Would You?
But, as send offs go, you have to admit that the memorial service was a doozy. Anyone who was anyone was there – Mariah Carey, Usher, Lionel Richie, Stevie Wonder, that creepy little smug kid from Britain’s Got Talent, Michael Jackson himself, encased inside a coffin so gaudy that it probably gave Donald Trump an erection – and, as Reuters reports, Michael Jackson’s own children:
Jermaine and Marlon lamented the loss of their brother, but it was Michael Jackson’s daughter, Paris, who left the crowd — and the world — with the most moving words of the ceremony. “Ever since I was born,” she began, sobbing and barely mustering the strength to speak, “Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine. And I just want to say I love him so much.”
It was an undeniably tender moment, and thankfully one not disrupted by Paris’ little brother Prince Michael II adding “Well, maybe not the ABSOLUTE best father. He did dangle me off a balcony that time, remember? That was kind of effed up. Remember? That time he actually dangled me off an effing balcony. What was that all about?”
However, as spectacular and moving as Michael Jackson’s memorial service was, it might not be too long before it’s outdone. We heard that when Tito goes, his memorial service will feature tributes by Bradley Walsh, two members of Kajagoogoo, that homeless bloke who plays the washboard outside the Wolverhampton branch of Carphone Warehouse and a tin of dogfood. Eat that, Michael Jackson.
Allie. says
Nothing better than watching Janet Jackson forcing a crying 11 year old to speak up at her father’s funeral infront of thousands of strangers.
Heart warming, I tell thee.
JoeMomma says
Mass hypnosis!
paris jackson says
Please. No one forced that little girl to speak. She obviously wanted to.
Bestgirl says
OMG can’t the man just have a memorial and people talk about that and not try to down his character. At least people will remember him. you on the other hand will just be the jerk that wrote stupid stories and couldn’t spell when he was writing them. And guess what nobody will effin remember you. Nobody force the girl to speak she wanted to you jerk if you really paid attention you would have seen her telling her aunt that. So stupid, he dead OK so just let him rest.
Der Golem says
Stuart, I love you. Being as I have a life, I missed the whole thing yesterday, thank the sweet baby Moses, and took only a few moments to scan the headlines. Your recap topped every other news outlet. I knew I was just biding time until the real story came in. I’m printing your story and hanging it on my office wall.
allizonme00 says
Stuart? Who the hell are you anyway? Never heard of you!
JoeMomma says
Aliz, he write for this website. What do you do? Ask people if they would like fries with their burger?
Have some more floride it’ll make you feel better about it.
Karla says
LOL @ squeaky-voiced iceberg & last paragraph.
allizonme00 says
joemomma, i’m a teacher for special needs children. If you were in my class, maybe you would have learned something.
allizonme00 says
Oh, and you might want to use spell check
Brooke says
Gosh I hate Redneck jealous white people. Ha maybe yall rather praise that drug addict KING elvis preseley instead. You pink meat fucks!
JoeMomma says
Ohhh the spell check defence! Nice! Want to trade some yo momma jokes?
Special needs teacher that loves MJ? Wow, the jokes write themselves eh?
Mmmmm flouride.
tre says
you’re such a dumb fuck, if you didn’t like anything about it, why say anything at all?
Tolerance says
What you all seem to lack is tolerance! Writing about Gary Glitter who was found guilty in an article about Michael Jackson who was found innocent is just disgraceful and ignorant. You’d probably write about Hitler in a Mother Teresa article! As Michael Jackson once wrote – ‘with your pen you torture men’.
Rubbish says
What a crap article! About as funny as watching paint dry.
SoniaB. ALL IN YO FACE says
You people are JEALOUS… If you had any musical background or even just being a kid for Christ’s sake, you’d remember trying to be like Mike…
The US is the only place in the world where Michael was deamed a molestor and treated him unhumanly. Name someone else who’s death affected the WORLD with such sadness? I don’t even Princess Di came close!
JAH bless you and keep you Michael. You’ll forever live on in my family’s hearts!
Anton says
SoniaB
You mean the countries where the sex slave trade flourishes with the police in their pocket. How many starving boys do you think met up with MJ in Arab countries with the promise of money/food. I worked on a base in Saudi Arabia, we were not allowed off base after dark because the freaks wondering the streets at night will rape/rob/murder your ass. And since women are not allowed out either who do you think they rape….homeless boys and other men.
I’m sure they made him feel right at home in OTHER countries.
Bratty says
Great article!!!
Who is that pretty girl in the picture?
Carlos says
You mean handsome woman like marionette.
Please Stop Whining says
Judging from the comments above, what most Americans want is an internet where nothing humorously mocking about celebrities can be posted. Some sort of filter like they have in China, perhaps? That way we can ensure that all articles toe the party line. Or maybe freedom of speech should be honoured and, if you don’t like something that you’ve read, don’t visit the site again rather than spit bile at the writer for daring to have opinions that don’t match yours
JoeMomma says
Anton stole my thunder. Didn’t he RUN to Saudi Arabia afterward? Maybe because human rights there are oh just a suggestion.
You people are idolizing a guy that would sing and dance, and touch children. Isn’t there something wrong with that? Are you trying to tell me that history changed with “Beat-It”? Give me a break.
You mindless fans do prove that there’s some mass hypnosis is going on. David Ike is right!
OrchidIslander says
Wow, another bitchy queen without an iota of journalistic talent rears her ugly head.
You got legitimate gripes about Michael Jackson and his memorial? Still waiting to hear them. The operative word being “legitimate.”
This piece was not interesting, creative or worthwhile. You dissed some “creepy kid”, made light of Jackson’s kids – who obviously are distressed – and commented on another Jackson’s death in a much too light and not remotely funny manner.
You’re definitely not funny or witty, don’t know how to use spell check and are far removed from top-tiered journalists.
You’re in a tier all your own, which usually gets flushed down the crapper.
Michael Jackson says
Your article is disgusting. Have you no shame? Get off the pot already and go get a real job and stop harrasing dead people. This country has no more shame for dead or alive. What is your problem? You are so demented and sick that you cannot write about anything else but dead people? Are you out of ideas? Go clean your own house…I am sure you have your own shit to deal with…dirty gypsy.
As far as the person who called Michael Jackson -Jacko Wacko- that British idiot should be a national enemy. F..k England…they should take care of they own crap and we will take care of ours.
bryan vela says
I hope the bastard that wrote this sees this. LET THE MAN REST IN PEACE. LEAVE HIM THE HELL ALONE, YES HE MIGHT’VE BEEN A LITTLE ODD BUT JESUS THINK ABOUT HAVING YOUR CHILDHOOD SNATCHED AWAY WHEN YOU WERE 5 YRS OLD AND TELL ME YOU WON’T GROW UP TO BE A LITTLE “DIFFERENT”. And how are you gona downplay his memorial service.?? You say it was good and a moving segment but then you have to add all the other nonsense about his life like we don’t know about it already..for your information WE DO! So Stuart Heritage you are a total moron and must not have anything else better to do than write about someone whose been tormented and ridiculed his entire life and yet you still find a way when he’s dead and gone now.. My gosh what a worthless piece of swine you are.
There's a Lot of Them out There says
‘Piece of swine’, Bryan?
A pork chop, perhaps?
Now go back to pleasuring yourself with your single, shiny glove.
JoeMomma says
Again, to point out the obvious. You people are idolizing a pedophile.
bryan vela says
oh wow that was such a great response…a shiny glove ha..ha..ha i guess you’re tellin me that cause MJ wears one right? Oh dude that was a good one.. ha why won’t you go n make a real name for urself..or i can help you with that.. how about douchebag? or maybe foolio?
rrrrrrr says
You talk and act like you are all CLEAN and MORALLY upright people when in fact you just need “this” attention…duh..
pedophile or not…
what now?
he’s dead.
should you celebrate it..it doesn’t change anything..
or maybe YOU just need “these” people to make YOURSELF happy…
he’s dead. You’re not.
you won.
DaTruth says
that wins an incoherent statement award…
kinda like MJs songs…
misty says
Those who did not commit any sin,cast the first stone.Whatever happened to Mike only God can judge him and not us. Before we accused him and condemn him examine yourself first.Because you don’t knew the real Michael Jackson.Good for you people your parent did not ignore you unlike him.So please stop judging him because in the end might you are be judge by God for what you’ve said. Let’s leave him in peace.Good for Mike he already done his mission on this earth.How about you have you done your part? Think people don’t be rude.
misty says
I agree to brian vela.This people kept on judging Mike even he already pass away this is the people who have done nothing in their lives by keep on watching other people.They are the people who make the world worst and bitter.The real story is that they are jealous with the black american since they achieved the greastest respect and fame,fortune that’s why they kept throwing stones by hiding their hands pretending that they are more kind than the one they kept on accusing. That’s the truth in this earth. Even if Mike is dead still you cannot erase to all his fans the respect and love for him.Whatever happens still we are his fans.Whatever allegations we knew he did not do anything from all your stupid way of thinking.Paranoid people.Narrow-minded.
lou says
Der Golem- Agreed, this piece is fantastic, but I insist you also read Marina Hyde’s before you start handing out prizes;
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/lostinshowbiz/2009/jul/10/lost-showbiz-michael-jackson
(I’d call it a draw)
JoeMomma says
Misty, if we’re incorrect for judging someone we don’t know, aren’t you just as correct for praising someone you don’t? Or wait, you know him through his music. But it’s not really his music because someone wrote it for him, then studio magic made him sound good, then someone told him where to put his feet. Right? So “Beat-It” or “Thriller” changed your life? You met a man who would “Thrill-you” because of the song, and “Beat-It” told you to get out because you were being abused. Please note the lack of paragraphs so it’s easier for you to understand. Unfortunately, I still try to use punctuation. Spelling might be a bit off so don’t go around and pooping on me because I didn’t use a spell checker for a cheesy post. My coffee is ok, thanks for asking. It’s only the cheap work brew because I didn’t feel like going to starbucks this morning. At any rate, I can’t wait to eat my pastrami sammich for lunch (I said sammich to be cool). Well anyways, what was I talking about again?
meohmy says
Lord Almighty! JoeMomma, that was the BEST thing I read about the whole sorry episode. How can anyone accuse you of poor taste and indecency when they found it ok to watch grown men and women sing at a coffin! I have never seen something creepier and more insulting to the memory of anyone than “The prince of pap” being wheeled in (hell, he’ll dance no more!)
It was not about a performer who had seen better days but about the general poor taste that America cherishes. Americans can be so humourless and yet give the world the best example of self parody anyone could wish for. I thoroughly enjoyed the string of “entertainers” there to pay their respect. Mariah was on fi-re with a black but oh!So low cut dress and a wind machine that could have blown most of us away, Jermaine who does not want to talk about anything but has given that many interviews and had to sing of course (best career revival I ever witnessed), usher who sang brilliantly but whose heart broke (conveniently) on the last note and assorted “friends”. I thought bringing the kid from UK to sing was nice touch (eh! he liked boys didn’t he? so why not).
I dont want to ridicule the guy but what I do think is that the “memorial” was the worst taste, the worst allegory of anyone’s life one could ever put together. If the bloke from The Office had been the organiser this is EXACTLY what I would have expected to see. Brilliant!
Sandy says
Why was this article written and published!? I know lots of people are sick and tired of all the interest around famous Michael Jackson and his sudden death…BUT couldn’t the author keep his thoughts to himself! I do not want to read such opinions!! Michael’s fans OUTNUMBER those men with negative comments.
JoeMomma says
Meohmy, uhh thanks. My pastrami was good too, I nuked it for about 45 seconds.
Sandy. Just like MJ’s fans cockroaches may more numerous than humans but like humans non MJ fans are higher up on the scale. As for you not wanting to read such things, well then don’t. Congratulations though on being able to use some punctuation, most MJ fans can’t be bothered.
YVONNE PRIESTER says
Well, when Michael Jackson went to Paradise, I THINK IT HURTED ME THE MOST, it felt like my Mom, Daddy, Sister had gone all over again.
Only with them I talk with, prayed with and touched.
But we Michael Jackson, I FAILED HIM, I never came and prayed for him
as God had commanded 1984, that’s a long story. I told the t.v.reporter this, that interveiw me one on Monday night after I arrive Los Angeles 7/6/09 another one after Midnight which was early Tuesday morning. And on who interveiw me on the sidewalk sitting down, across from the Staples Center.
You must Understand, THAT PAIN OF YOUR LOVED ON LEAVING JUST DO GO AWAY because someone saids, IT OVER, GO ON NOW, it takes TIME TO HEAL
BECAUSE OF ME HE DIE, REALLY, 6/18/09, I EMAIL MICHAEL JACKSON ON YOUTUBE OFFICIAL PAGE. GOD SAID HE WAS GOING TO HEAL HIM,
WHEN I CLICK THE OFFICIAL LINK, THE PAGE CAME UP WITH THRILLER ON IT
AND THEN I SAW DEMONS RUNNING TO MICHAEL JACKSON,
I PRAYED A LITTLE, but I was trying to hurry and mail him, because I only had 2 hours, on the downtown Library computer. I came there because IN PUBLIX STORE ON MAGAZINES SAID, “MICHAEL JACKSON IS DYING OF CANCER, I left that store and went straight to the library.
I was so scared, I remember how I never went to Los Angeles, my Pastor told me not to go, there are plenty people in Los Angeles that can pray for Michael Jackson, that’s you flesh, God got people there. I told him how God want me to pray for him and later I told him about the Dream I dream of Michael Jackson and in the Dream he called DIANA ROSS OVER, Oh my God what a Dream.
Well I obey him, and never went.
INSTEAD OF ME PRAYING SERIOUSLY AROUND THE DEMONS, WHICH I MEANT TOO.
I DIDN’T, AND I thought Michael Jackson was in the Islam world.
Which is no excuse, I heard the Lord tell me Months ago to go to
Los Angeles, but I was waiting on Blue Print to call me for my job
at the NEW EVENT CENTER THEY ARE BUILDING, IN ORLANDO, FL
Look when I heard Michael Jackson was dead, in Paradise,
ALL I COULD SAY IS, CRYING OUT LOUD, NOT WITH TEARS YET, MICHAEL JACKSON, WHY YOU DIDN’T READ YOUR EMAIL,
People if he had read his email he would be alive, and yes if MY SISTER WHO IS IN PARADISE NOW, if she would have read the letter I sent my Mom, after she told me THE DOCTOR SAID CANCER WAS ALL IN HER BONES ALL OVER HER. Well Sandra wouldn’t read the letter, because Moma said take the mail home, My moma DIE, WENT HOME, WENT TO PARADISE, without ever reading that letter. Years, later Sandra left.
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO MOURN, IN THE BIBLE THEY AT LEAST ALLOW A MONTH FOR PEOPLE TO MOURNED. TODAY IS A WEEK FROM THE MEMORIAL AND ABOUT 3 WEEKS, GIVE IT TIME…
I AM NOT OVER IT, I had to get there and GOD GOT ME THERE BY A MIRACLE AND GOT ME BACK, I said I don’t have to have a ticket, but once I saw the Youtube and How beautiful it was, I was like, I shouldn’t got a ticket. But I didn’t hear about it until July 4, in Jax, Fl and no one had a computer, dumb, If I had went into the Lobby on the 4th I would have known that.. but I am just now thinking about it, if this don’t go through, that would be fine.
the more I mail it the more, the Pain release, for LETTING MICHAEL JACKSON DOWN. NOW I WILL BE LIKE THRILLER ON ANYTHING AND ANYONE WHO TRY TO STOP ME FROM OBEYING GOD
ALSO I WILL BE ON THESE STARS, because we the Church really is not thinking about these stars, God so happen to have given me first
Sonny and Cher, Aretha Franklin, Elizabeth Taylor, Prince, Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Topu, Snoop Dog(but a the snoopy bowl game at my High School, at least I waved a big black silky scarf saying God Bless you Snoop, over and over again in the bleacher),Jarue, Beyonce,
Jay-z and my God 50cent, Sonny on General Hosiptal.
ALL THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON IN HIS FAVOR.
Tony says
How could you write so much crap. You almost if Iam not mistaking sound really racists to me. If you got nothing good to say just shut the fuck up. I bet if it was your father that past away you would not be talking shit. You would probably be bothered if you had stupid comments left like that….get a life PUTO!
meohmy says
Isn’t it worrying that some people have access to computers when you glimpse the contents of their minds? And I bet they are allowed to drive to!
JoeMomma says
If thats all real what Yvonne wrote, the in contrast to all my sarcasam and wit, I sincerly think she needs help. Can’t bring myself to make fun of her. If it’s real, if it’s not real, then jokes on me.
Jillian says
Michael meant so much to hundreds of thousands of people which was evident by the number or people who tuned in to see this memorial service on July 07, 2009. Touching them with his beautiful songs, amazing dancing and humanitarianism.
You have a blog. Congratulations for your accomplishments. Loser.
meohmy says
He may be a loser but you are still posting here.
As for Michael’s “beautiful” songs, it’s all a matter of taste. One could argue that he made a great deal of money singing about feeding the world and assorted generosities, whether he shared his millions or just his theories is up to discussion, and yes I am sure he did a lot for charity. Don’t they all.