In the years following Beethoven’s death the world’s chief regret was that nobody had pried out his brain and attached it to a bunch of wires and electric pencils. Why, had that been the case, perhaps we’d have just one more brilliant symphony. Yes, if that were the case perhaps Ludwig’s genius could have added some much needed atmosphere to all those Pat Boone albums.
But that was a different time, and the accepted ethics of yester-year likely wouldn’t have allowed for zombification of any sort.
Lucky for Michael Jackson‘s removed brain, we’re no longer confined by such primitive notions.
Well they did it. They pulled Michael Jackson’s brain right out of its boney little nest-like skull. Some say it’s because his family intend to plant it in a limber-legged white robot. Others say it’s because Prince ordered it served to him atop a steaming bed of rice on the 30-year release-anniversary of Purple Rain.
We, however, believe the brain hasn’t actually been in there since it melted in the great Pepsi fire of ’84. The coroner probably didn’t take that severe heat into account. Whatever the case – when Michael Jackson’s body is laid to rest sitting upright in one car of a spinning, fully lit underground ferris wheel, it’ll be with an empty head. According to some sources anyway – sources like Mirror.co.uk:
Michael?Jackson will be buried this week? without his brain. As his family tries to finalise details for the King of Pop?s funeral on Tuesday they have been told it will be held back for tests. They faced the grim choice of waiting up to three weeks for Jackson?s brain to be returned to them or go ahead and bury him without it ? which they have decided to do. Los Angeles Coroner?s spokesman Craig Harvey confirmed that neuropathology tests will be carried out to see if it holds any clues to the exact cause of his death.
If you’re worried about Jackson‘s body feeling lonely down there in the grave, don’t. As we understand it they’re gonna install a little 6’ tall elevator directly above his coffin so that the brain can come and go as it pleases. And if you’re worried about the brain getting lonely – well don’t do that either. Aside from the elevator thing, it’s also got Mike’s original nose to keep him company.
If we could only work out some kind of sniffly Morse code system between a musical stenographer and the nose/brain combo, we could maybe get a Thriller II or something. That’s a good idea, right?
Yeah, that’s a pretty good idea.
Another good idea is maybe they could implant the brain in Keith Richards. Didn’t he lose his a while back? If Mick Jagger is uncomfortable with the idea he shouldn’t be. After all, he’s really old.
We would, however, recommend he not let his grandsons in the room for band practice. Not for slanderous reasons, mind you, but just because we think smokey recording studios are less than ideal environments for children who don’t want to be ogled by the swollen eyes of recent brain recipients.
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Jeff says
You S.O.B.s OUGHT to be SHOT! After seeing Michael’s distraught and very beautiful daughter Paris sobbing for her father in front of the whole world yesterday,your loathsome comments about MJ are a ROT and a slap to innocent orphaned children world over,. HOW IN HELL do you people sleep at night???
brad says
Jeff
Your an idiot. Even children who are beaten for years cry for the dead father that beat them. Children still love the abusive parent until they are old enough to know better. Would you rather a drugged out crazy man stuck around to raise the kids. Stop worrying about people that could care less about you and yours only the money you dish out for their products.
The Joker says
I wonder if you noticed that Jackson’s “daughter” doesn’t appear to bear any resemblance to her “father” — i.e. All of Jackson’s kids are whiter than white, while MJ was originally black (like the rest of this family) before the plastic surgeons got their hands on him.
Bull says
Oh sure, everyone’s always in favor of saving MJ’s brain, but when when you put it in the body of a great white shark, oooooh! Suddenly you’ve gone too far!
Lana says
Oh please don’t write such garbage and hurtful comments about Michael Jackson!
Leave him alone, leave his body parts and his brain alone!
He has been beaten enough and tortured enough, by the press, the media, the boy and his mom for the idiotic charges and now his autospy, and how bizarre he still is.
Perhaps you filthy journos needs to take a good look at yourselves, and stop branishing this poor innocent soul with more anguish and destruction to his spirit!
You are heartless creeps, you make money out of his music videos whilst torturing Michael in life and now in death, by saying he was a this and a that, how dare you????
You are arseholes the whole lot of you that condemn this lost soul even on his passing.
Shame on you for saying he did this and that to someone, you are all arseholes and you will be judged on your last Day, that’s for sure!
Leave Michael Jackson ALONE! where he is safe from YOU BASTARDS!
RESURRECTION OF MICHAEL says
Michael will be resurrected by Christ and he will judge you as you have judged Him.
Michael will see that all you spiteful people be dealt with in the name of Jesus Christ.
How dare you judge Michael Jackson, have you ever walked in his shoes?
No, so do not judge him, keep your FAT BEAKS IN YOUR FACE WHERE IT FITS!
caroline says
I thank you so much for such a wonderful comments of yours about michael jackson God bless you ,But for those idiots who goes about saying all kinds of evil things about MJ God will punishi all of you and you animals will never see any good thing. since I learnt of MJ’death i have never been myselfe, even at his final resting I have not yet bellieve or accept his death I do see MJ every day in my dreams especially in his red and white shirts I don’t know why I have not seen MJ face to face before but I have this great and uncoditional love for him .God open my eyes I saw who MJ is. he is such a wonderful angel that came direct from God, But satan and there agents could not allow this special person of God to acomplish the popose why God brought him here on this earth.I strongly believe in my hearts that MJ will resurect from the dead God will show the world who he is may be his waiting for MJ’s body to laid to rest then He will peform the miracle that will sturn the whole world the people will then know that MJ is truely a wonderful gift from God it does’nt matter if his brain was taken away or not God will bring every part of his body together I believe during the time of Lazarus and Jesus autopsey was conducted But when Jesus arrieved at lazarus gave with a loud voice Jesus commanded laz.to comeforth from the grve and every part of his body came together and he came out from the grave yard so it will happen to michael jackson Jesus will command him and he will come back to life again because he has not complited his assingnment and I will be one of those who will emmbrase him when he comes I will never stop talking or playing his music untill he comes back soon may the Goood Lord blesse MJ and grant strenght to all his family members especially her wonderfull mother whom he loves so dear and his beautiful childer cry no MJ is coming back. MJ God bless you ,and for those baskets mouths out there, if you dont have any good or any thing to say about MJ please close your nasty mouths ok.