Just as we'd installed Keith Richards as the king of hilarious You've Been Framed-style drunken palm-tree head-bash mishap antics, it turns out that Keith's injury is actually quite serious.
So serious, in fact, that Keith Richards is going to let a bunch of people drill through his skull and suck a load of blood out of his brain. In a medical way, not a creepy voodoo way or anything.
We're going to call it the Curse Of The Super Bowl. It seems that, eventually, bad things happen to people who play the Super Bowl halftime concert. Janet Jackson, after whapping her norks out, was subject to rumours of a secret daughter. Paul McCartney played the Super Bowl and then declared war on China. And then there's Bono, but his twattiness levels have remained constant both pre- and post-Super Bowl.
This year, Keith Richards and The Rolling Stones played the Super Bowl. And then Keith Richards fell out of a tree in Fiji. At first, a lot of mystery surrounded the accident. Reports suggested that Keith had got blotto on vodka and rum and then climbed a palm tree to get a coconut, then fell five metres onto his head, got up, went for a quick jet-ski and then collapsed and was airlifted to New Zealand.
Now he's left New Zealand, doctors have have apparently told Keith Richards that the constant dull headaches he's been experiencing aren't a byproduct of his prodigious drug intake – or a byproduct of having to listen to songs from the rubbish new Rolling Stones album every night – but they are down to a small brain haemorrhage that appeared after bumping his head. Doctors will have now to drill into his skull and drain out the blood from his brain.
Keith Richards is thought to make a full recovery from the brain surgery, and it's just as well – Keith and The Rolling Stones start the European leg of their latest
money hoover world tour in Barcelona in three weeks.
[story by Stuart Heritage]