It’s been close to half a year, but the question still remains: what killed Michael Jackson? Was it drugs?

Was it stress? Was it drugs? Was it financial strain? Or drugs? Drugs? Was it that giant dose of medical-grade anaesthetic he was given right before he died? Could that have anything to do with Michael Jackson’s death? Anyone?

In the end, though, it doesn’t matter what we think. But it does matter what Janet Jackson thinks, because a) Michael Jackson was her brother and b) she’s got a greatest hits album out that she needs to plug. And Janet Jackson is pointing the finger squarely at Michael Jackson’s doctor.

Nobody tell Jermaine Jackson – because he’ll only start organising another one of his tacky ‘JERMAINE JACKSON PRESENTS JERMAINE JACKSON AND THE JERMAINE JACKSON ALLSTARS (In A Tribute To Michael Jackson) STARRING JERMAINE JACKSON!’ concerts if he finds out – but Michael Jackson’s death means that Janet Jackson is now the world’s most famous Jackson.

And that’s a role that comes with a lot of responsibility. It’s Janet who must continue to spread the profoundly philanthropic messages that Michael Jackson sprinkled through his songs – messages like ‘heal the world’, ‘you are not alone’ and ‘burn this disco out’ – and it’s Janet who must take it upon herself to blame people for Michael Jackson’s death. She’s already quite good at the second one.

You see, as far as Janet Jackson is concerned, Michael Jackson would still be alive if it wasn’t for Dr Conrad Murray and his evil determination to kill her brother by nefariously injecting him with the deadly drug that he had specifically requested to be injected with and would have somehow got his hands on anyway. What a bastard.

Sure, Dr Murray hasn’t been charged with anything, but that doesn’t mean that he’s definitely completely responsible for Michael Jackson’s death and should never be allowed to doctor again. That’s what Janet has said in an interview, in any case. MTV reports:

“He was the one that was administering. … I think he’s responsible.” Though Murray has not been charged in the case and his lawyer said he did not administer anything that “should have” caused Jackson’s death, Janet reportedly tells ABC’s Robin Roberts that she believes Murray should not be allowed to practice medicine anymore.

Regardless of whether you think she’s right about this or not – personally we’d arrest the Pope if it meant that everyone would shut up about Michael Jackson – you have to admit that emotionally blaming a doctor for the death of your brother on national television is a weird way to go about promoting your new album. Let’s hope that Janet Jackson’s Number Ones – out today, kids! – gets a suitable sales boost because of this.

In fact, what with Rihanna plugging her new album with stories about being choked unconscious and now Janet Jackson plugging her new album with stories about mourning the recent death of her brother, it’d seem as if misery is the hot new way to get a hit record. Snoop Dogg’s got a new album coming out next month – he’ll need to think of something really sad to talk about if he wants it to be a success. May we suggest inventing a story about being bitten on the arse by a stoat?

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