This news just in: Michael Jackson is still dead. In other news, people still won’t shut up about it.
And why should they? Michael Jackson’s death was just the tip of a depressing iceberg that we’ll hear about for months – especially now that Michael Jackson’s will from 2002 has apparently turned up. It’ll take a while for the contents to be made public, but early reports suggest that Michael Jackson’s father Joe doesn’t even get a look in.
It’ll come as a painful shock to Joe Jackson – we heard that he really had his eye on Michael’s nightmarish abandoned fairground, too.
Getting named in Michael Jackson’s will has to be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you’ll know that during his lifetime Michael Jackson considered you to be enough of a friend to repay you for your loyalty after his death. But on the other hand, Jesus, what on Earth would you end up getting?
Did Michael Jackson like you enough to give you the golf buggy with a creepy painting of himself dressed as Peter Pan daubed across the bonnet? One of the beds that he slept with kids in? Perhaps if you were only an acquaintance you’d be slung a couple of half-empty bottles of Jesus Juice in a gift basket or something.
Just look at Michael Jackson’s mother Katherine, for God’s sake – she’s ended up with custody of Michael Jackson’s children, even though she technically shares about the same amount of DNA with them as she does with, say, a seagull. She can’t be happy about that at all. She’s a 79-year-old woman. She doesn’t want three strange little kids running around her house. She probably wanted the robot Michael Jackson head from Moonwalker. Everyone wants robot Michael Jackson head from Moonwalker.
But at least that’s more than Joe Jackson’s getting. According to early unconfirmed reports, Michael Jackson has cut his father – who he long accused of beating him – out of his will entirely. The Daily Mail reports:
The singer made no mention of Joe Jackson in a will drawn up in 2002. Now that signed document – the only one traced so far in a frantic scramble over Jacko’s estate – could be made legally binding if a later one fails to turn up. It would mean 80-year-old Joe Jackson, who publicly began cashing in on his son’s legacy within hours of his death, might not get a penny.
It’s a sad reflection of the broken relationship between Michael and Joe Jackson, and a stark warning to all the fathers of the world.
Admittedly that warning is ‘if you physically abuse your son and steal his childhood in order to vicariously snatch the fame and extraordinary wealth that you weren’t able to attain by yourself as a youth, then there’s a good chance that you won’t get to be embroiled in the headache-inducing legal complications that will inevitably follow his ghoulish, debt-ridden death’ – which actually makes the idea of beating your children sound quite appealing – but a warning’s a warning.
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katherine says
I’m glad nichael cut joe out of his will, after the way he did those boy coming up. They didn’t have no child hood because of him. So he do not need anything, and he is saying he is going to use money to help his business, I pray that his brothers don’t let him.