Yes, another one. The seventh, we’re told. That doesn’t seem right, though. Maybe it’s the hundredth. Maybe there have been a million of them. Maybe there’s just one, and it lasts for an infinite amount of time, and entire universes will be born and flourish and die in the space that it takes Mel Gibson to tell Oksana Grigorieva what a whore she is, and when there’s nothing left, the vacant plane of totality will still reverberate with the echo of Mel Gibson roaring about how many blowjobs he thinks he deserves.
Or maybe we’re wrong. Either way, in this tape Mel Gibson gets all shitty about Timothy Dalton. Hooray!
We don’t know how he’s doing it, but Mel Gibson seems to be making more abusive phonecalls to Oksana Grigorieva than there are hours in the day. It’s been estimated that, for every 24 hours that pass, Mel Gibson somehow produces upwards of 58 hours of shrieking, offensive abusive telephone calls. We can only guess how he does it. Maybe Mel Gibson runs a sweatshop packed with furious Indonesian toddlers who he’s trained to sound just like him, or maybe he’s just so angry that the traditional boundaries of time no longer mean anything to him. We just don’t know.
Either way, following the previous six hilarious calls to Oksana Grigorieva, a seventh has now been leaked. And, having exhausted the traditional lines – the oral sex fixation, the racism, the apparent admission of physical violence towards her – Mel Gibson has now been reduced to laboriously slagging off Timothy Dalton, who had a child with Oksana 12 years ago. Want to listen? Oh, of course you do…
Hopefully that’s it now. It sounds like Mel Gibson just doesn’t have his heart in it any more. He sounds knackered in this latest rant and, crucially, the potential to transcribe his quips into T-shirt slogans is also on the wane. What could you get from this one? ‘You offend me on every fucking level’? It’s hardly ?You should smile and FUCKING BLOW ME! Because I DESERRRVE it!?, is it? And would you walk around with ‘You fucking glum cunt’ written across your chest? Us neither.
And Timothy Dalton? That’s a bit of an easy target. Any idiot can slag off Timothy Dalton. We’re sorry to say this, but perhaps it’s time for Mel Gibson to knock these rants on the head before he completely runs out of ideas.