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Mel Gibson rant

Admit it, you probably thought that there weren’t any more tapes of Mel Gibson shrieking into a telephone.

Wrong. There are more. Many more. About 30 in total, if reports are to be believed, all recorded within a single 10-hour period. And if they keep leaking out at the current rate, we estimate that we won’t hear the end of Mel Gibson’s frothing lunacy until the middle of September. Which, since you’ve probably been bored of them for about a fortnight already, is undeniably depressing.

But still, let’s look on the bright side. We don’t have a copy of the Guinness Book Of Records to hand, but we’re almost certain that Mel Gibson will have secured himself the title of World’s Most Wearyingly Angry Bastard by now. That’s something, isn’t it?

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This isn’t news that we wanted to give you, but there’s a tape of Mel Gibson screaming abuse at Oksana Grigorieva.

Yes, another one. The seventh, we’re told. That doesn’t seem right, though. Maybe it’s the hundredth. Maybe there have been a million of them. Maybe there’s just one, and it lasts for an infinite amount of time, and entire universes will be born and flourish and die in the space that it takes Mel Gibson to tell Oksana Grigorieva what a whore she is, and when there’s nothing left, the vacant plane of totality will still reverberate with the echo of Mel Gibson roaring about how many blowjobs he thinks he deserves.

Or maybe we’re wrong. Either way, in this tape Mel Gibson gets all shitty about Timothy Dalton. Hooray!

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If you’ve been playing the ‘How Long Before Mel Gibson Starts Barking Like A Dog?’ competition, it’s time to pay attention.

The answer is five days. That’s five days. Congratulations to all of you who guessed correctly, and our sincerest commiserations to everyone who missed out. However, don’t forget that you can still enter ‘How Long Before Mel Gibson Starts Howling Like A Mentally Subnormal Werewolf?’ competition, although it’s looking increasingly likely that the answer to that will be six days.

Which is to say that another Mel Gibson abuse tape – the fifth one in five days – has surfaced online. You know the drill by now: there’s some swearing, some industrial-level misogyny and more incoherent, planet-eating fury than you could possibly ask for. If you’re not already bored of listening to Mel Gibson’s impersonation of a feral animal being attacked by a swarm of bees, it’s after the jump.

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This Mel Gibson saga is quickly turning into the Tiger Woods affair – every day there’s something new.

Admittedly it’s a little different. With Tiger, every day brought a new mistress out of the woodwork. But with Mel Gibson it’s much more amusing – each day brings a brand new tape of him screaming froth-mouthed profanities at Oksana Grigorieva. And, bang on cue, a third tape of Mel Gibson’s gibbering offensiveness has emerged.

What’s it like? To be honest, it sounds like little more than a shallow retread of his last two secretly-recorded rant tapes. If we were Mel Gibson, we’d take some time out and rediscover the spark that made the first two tapes so staggeringly mental. Either that or do what he did with Lethal Weapon 3 and get Joe Pesci in as a guest star. Now there’s a world-class ranter.

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It’s fair to say that Mel Gibson’s biggest problem at the moment is his misunderstanding of supply and demand.

We mean that. And he should know better. It’s been four years since Mel Gibson unleashed his drunken tirade, and we’ve sustained ourselves on gems like “The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world” and “Sugartits” ever since. And then, when that tape of Mel Gibson’s rant at Oksana Grigorieva came out last week, we thought we’d last another four years on “I’ll burn your fucking house down, but you will blow me first” and all that racist rape stuff.

But now there’s a new tape of Mel Gibson’s rants, this time telling Oksana that she deserves to be hit across the head with a bat and that he’s capable of burying her in a garden. Supply has outstripped demand. This is very basic stuff, Mel Gibson.

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