The Mel Gibson divorce continues to shock – who knew people couldn’t love alcoholic bigots with terrible beards?
But whatever. Now we know that Mel Gibson’s wife Robyn has had it with his twinkly smile and tequila-breathed Jewish ranting, it’s time to work out why the divorce is happening. Is it because of Mel Gibson’s rumoured canoodlings with Russian pianist Oksana Kolesnikova?
Apparently not. Oksana’s reps have denied the affair, presumably on the basis that Mel Gibson is old enough to be her chuffing grandfather and there’s a good chance that his elderly penis would splinter off inside her during intercourse.
So Mel Gibson is getting divorced. We’ll admit that the news came as a shock to us, as it would to anyone apart from Mel Gibson, his estranged wife or anybody who’s ever met Mel Gibson and had to put up with a second of his idiotic midget egomania.
So far, two main things have come from Mel Gibson’s divorce. The first is the sheer size of the potential settlement. It’s been claimed that Mel Gibson might lose anything up to a quarter of a billion dollars in the divorce, reducing the scale of his planned directorial sequels to a film about the time that Jesus got a bit of a splinter off a fencepost and a hard-hitting dramatisation of the moment that the ancient Mayans saw a pig fall over and thought it was quite funny.
The second consequence of Mel Gibson’s divorce is that everyone is now scrambling around trying to root out the cause of the split. Mel’s wife Robyn cited ‘irreconcilable differences’ in the divorce proceedings, which could either mean that a) she’s fed up with all his boozy anti-Semitism, b) it just took her 30 years longer than usual to realise that Mel Gibson was a relentless twatdabble or c) Mel Gibson was dicking another woman.
If it’s the latter – and nobody can really say for sure if it is or not – then the prime suspect would be Russian pianist Oksana Kolesnikova, who has previously been photographed ‘canoodling’ with Mel Gibson on a movie set in Boston and ‘frollicking’ with him in Costa Rica. But, as The Boston Herald reports, Oksana’s not having any of it:
?Sorry to hear about Mel Gibson?s divorce,? a publicist told TMZ.com. ?Somehow Oksana is being linked to Mr. Gibson, but there are no emotional ties between the two that I am aware of. Oksana has in the past entertained Mr. Gibson with her piano music as he dined at the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel. ?Yes, I definitely welcome the opportunity to set the record straight, our Oksana is not romantically involved with Mr. Gibson,? said the unnamed publicist.
We guess that only time will tell if the rumours are true. It shouldn’t take long to discover – if Oksana Kolesnikova really is sleeping with Mel Gibson, the only proof anyone would need would be a photograph of her leaving Mel Gibson’s home while scrubbing at herself furiously with detergent-soaked wire wool.
Well, it’s what we’d do in the same circumstance, anyway.