Hear that sound? That’s the sound of a million 14-year-old boys crying into their pile of crusty tissues.
Megan Fox is married. According to reports, Megan Fox secretly got married to Brian Austin Green in Hawaii last week. We’re not sure why, but maybe Megan Fox wanted to get married to celebrate the release of her latest film Jonah Hex. Which would be perfect, really, because who wouldn’t want to be reminded of monumental, all-consuming failure every time they look at their wedding ring?
Still, one thing’s for sure – Megan Fox is off the market. Teenage boys, we hate to break this to you, but you’re just going to have to find another dead-eyed robot girlfriend to masturbate to. Sorry.
It goes without saying that Brian Austin Green is the love of Megan Fox’s life. Always has been and always will be. Well, you know, apart from the gaping 15-month chasm between the time that Megan Fox realised that she didn’t love Brian Austin Green and the time when she begrudgingly took him back a little while ago.
But forget all that, because Megan Fox has just got married to Brian Austin Green in Hawaii, and that means that she’ll never be able to leave him again. Never ever. Unless they hire divorce lawyers, of course, but how’s Brian Austin Green going to afford those? Nobody even knows what he does. But we digress. The New York Daily News reports:
The “Transformers” hottie quietly exchanged marriage vows with her long-time beau, actor Brian Austin Green, in a secret ceremony in Hawaii late last week. “They had a fairly large wedding, but there were clearly more security people than guests,” a source told Star magazine. “It was very hush hush. Everyone was sworn to secrecy.”
We know what you’re thinking. You’re remembering that, during her time apart from Brian Austin Green, Megan Fox told the world that she would never get married because she’s not the marrying type. But now for some reason she is married. Maybe, just maybe, Megan Fox should think about also telling the world that she’ll never play a convincing role in a critically respected and commercially successful film. The way her career’s going at the moment, it couldn’t hurt.
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