If you’re 14 years old, male and constantly aroused, you might want to start investing in some breath mints.
Because Megan Fox is single. She’s definitely single. Yes, we know that Megan Fox broke off her engagement to Brian Austin Green last week, which usually denotes a certain amount of singleness, but now Megan Fox has moved her stuff out of his house, too.
And you know what that means? It means that Brian Austin Green, having lost the most attractive person he’ll ever get the chance to be with, is now officially the new Jennifer Aniston. Have fun with that, Brian.
We might be being naive here, but we always thought that Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green made the perfect couple. They were just so right for each other. Megan Fox gave Brian Austin Green the sensation that he was the luckiest anonymous man on the planet, while in return Brian gave Megan a number of plug sockets throughout his house for her to charge up her cyborg batteries whenever the motors in her face that make her pout got a bit run down. You see? Perfect.
But all was clearly not well with Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, because last week Megan broke off their engagement. Whatever the reason for the split, we’re told that it was completely amicable and that they remain friends, still doing perfectly normal friend things together.
For Megan Fox we’ll assume this means that she still talks to Brian Austin Green on the phone, visits his son to maintain a facade of stability and lets him know that, whatever happened between them, the time they spent together still means a lot to her. And for Brian Austin Green we’d imagine this means staying awake all night crying, licking whatever photographs of Megan Fox he finds lying around and scratching the word ‘WHY?’ on his chest with an unfolded paperclip hundreds of times.
Because it’s definitely over. Megan Fox has moved all her stuff out of the house they shared and everything. Radar Online reports:
Recently breaking up with fiance Brian Austin Green, it was only a matter of time that Megan Fox moved her things from the home they have shared since they started dating in 2004. Yesterday, outside Green’s home, a very large moving container was spotted around the corner. The Smartbox looked filled and ready to cart away the remnants of Fox’s belongings.
There’s no word on where Megan Fox will go now that she’s officially moved out of home. She can’t really move back in with her parents, because they’ll soon tire of all the teenage boys sitting on their doorstep masturbating all the time. She can’t live with other people, because it’s guaranteed that they’ll have all rigged her bedroom and bathroom with hidden cameras hooked up to pay-per-view subscription websites. And she definitely can’t live by herself, because we get the feeling that Megan Fox will shrivel up and die the moment that she stops getting any male attention whatsoever.
Oh well, maybe that lesbian stripper will have Megan Fox back. That’d be an option.
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