The lady from Transformers has announced that her engagement is over. We suggest all 14-year-old boys take a moment to breathe before reading any further.

Statfacts: 44% of people watching the Transformers movie wanted to run their fingers through Shia LaBeouf’s beautiful hair. 48% wanted an hour alone with Megan Fox, a cupful of honey and Megan Fox’s four most beautiful girlfriends. The other 8% wanted to become a Decepticon and shoot their history teacher up his bum.

Congratulations, 48%, your dream edges closer to reality.

Megan Fox has about four hundred tattoos, including some pretentious poetry, a dead lady’s face, more pretentious poetry and the name of her fiancee. One of these tattoos is this morning looking around nervously and getting together a hurried resume.

Metaphorically, you understand. At least we hope so, because the thought of tattoos with moving eyes and the ability to type is even creepier than Michael Jackson’s collection of self-reverential art.

Anyway, point is this: Megan Fox has dumped her fiancee, which at least means she can now focus all of her energies into crafting a really intricate and moving depiction of the struggle between mankind and machine which may actually be how life on this planet one day ends. Or, you know, stand around screaming while some cars get blown up. It’ll be that one, won’t it?

After being engaged for more than two years, the would-be Lara Croft and will-be Mikaela Banes has decided she’s had enough of Brian Austin Green hanging round, feeding off her fame and not taking the bins out when he said he was going to. So she’s dumped the poor spod. An insider tells Us magazine:

The relationship had run its course. It’s completely amicable and they are remaining friends. They are now both focusing on their careers.

Well that’s fine for you Megan Fox, with your contract to a successful movie franchise and your stripper girlfriends, but what about Brian Thingy Something? He’s already hit the highpoint of his career, and that was playing the guy who stuffed Screech into a locker on Saved By The Bell, The College Years.

Remember when you used to go round to his parents house with him and they would ask you who the young chap was you’d brought with you? That is his life from now on.

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