You might not realise it by the way she constantly totters around everywhere in ridiculous shoes being all like ‘hey, look at me’, but Mariah Carey actually has a lot of dignity.
This is obvious from the way that Mariah Carey kept quiet about her marriage to Nick Cannon. She knows that weddings are sacred and personal and she doesn’t want to sully that by making it public. That’s our definition of dignity.
Our definition of dignity also includes a) confirming your marriage to People magazine, b) selling your wedding photos to the same magazine, c) yammering on endlessly about your marriage to the magazine like a froth-mouthed nutbag, and d) getting a marriage-proclaiming tattoo across your back so even people who you aren’t directly looking at can see that you’re married. Mariah Carey has done all of these things recently.
Perhaps we need to buy a new dictionary.
Mariah Carey isn’t an idiot. True, there’s a chance that having a conversation with her might be about as fun as having a conversation with two tennis balls in a string bag, but she’s not an idiot by any means.
Although Mariah Carey may have launched into a harebrained marriage to Nick Cannon last week after knowing him for approximately a tenth of a nanosecond, but that doesn’t mean she’s taken leave of her senses. As we revealed yesterday, Mariah Carey definitely got a prenup before she married Nick Cannon. That means that when the marriage inevitably sours after a couple of months, Mariah can just cut Nick Cannon loose and carry on as if he never existed.
Except, you know, for the massive ‘Mrs Cannon’ tattoo that Mariah Carey’s had etched into her back forever. Whoops.
Mariah Carey has at last officially confirmed her marriage to Nick Cannon via People magazine, where she also sold her wedding photos. And in the accompanying interview, Mariah Carey also got to reveal that her marriage wasn’t a stupid last-minute affair because they’d known each other for, like, almost a month and she’d already had his name written indelibly on her skin which is a bit like marriage anyway. BBC News reports:
“We really do feel we are soul mates – I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me,” the 38-year-old told People magazine.” It was a love-at-first-sight thing. Since we’ve been together, we’ve been inseparable,” Cannon told the magazine. According to People, Cannon had proposed to the singer on the rooftop of her New York apartment building just five days before their wedding. The singer dismissed reports their marriage was as last minute as reported: “One thing [few people] knew was we got tattoos a few weeks earlier. So anyone who saw my tattoo wasn’t surprised,” she said.
So if Mariah Carey has had ‘Mrs Cannon’ tattooed across her back, what has Nick Cannon got? ‘Mr Cannon’? Boy, will he ever look stupid when he and Mariah get divorced!
That’s assuming that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon do get divorced, of course, which is unlikely – historically the abnormally sudden tattooed declaration of love route usually has a happy ending, doesn’t it.
And anyway, even if Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon do quickly divorce because the marriage was a failure from the instant it was first suggested, all Mariah carey needs to do to stop looking like an idiot is to quickly marry someone else with the surname Cannon. May we suggest 1980s comedian Tommy Cannon or comicbook artist Zander Cannon – or even 112-years dead Mormon church Quorum member Abraham Hoagland Cannon if she really wants to do the whole himbo thing again.
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mst3kster says
The marriage won’t last. No man can ever get used to any woman who has to dress according to what room of the house she’s in.
Rob Delaney says
I bet Elton John would be quite happy with that, mst3kster
BabiicC-A-K says
well she got married so all those hoes hating need 2 bag back.
lizzi says
celebrity maridges never work out!!!
britneys been marryed like 3 times!!!
Miss B says
I hope these guys are serious.. These celebrities never take marriage so serious..i think they just take it as a fun game.. get married …few hours later get divorced…’Nway all the best to Nick & Mariah..yu look so sweet and loving together!!!!!!!!!!