Last time we counted our posterity was in 1996, at which time we had something like three sons and some girls we're told were genetically similar to us. It was a wonderful time – we played ball with the boys, we went to movies with the boys, and we lit sparklers every single night all summer long. With the boys.
Then in 2005 our daughters, whom we've always loved as if they were our own, got like $41,000 from a lawsuit stemming from a "foster home" incident. We were mortified to learn of their troubles, and want them to know we always stood by them even when they grew up in a different state. We also want them to know we like red ferraris and weekly cash gifts.
Now we're not saying Jamie Spears' parenting skills are anything like our own – but right now he's getting paid to be Brit-Brit's Daddy. In cash. Because the courts demanded it.
Justice is sweet.
hecklerspray has always loved Britney Spears. All we've ever wanted is to see her safe and sound resting securely until mental stability is a state she's once again accustomed to. We're filing adoption papers so we can steward over her with the court's blessing. And if said stewardship comes with a $2,500 weekly bonus, well, that's not why we're doing it. Now pardon us while we thumb through the new-car section of our phone book.
Jamie Spears, the man who always names all of his pregnant children after himself, is getting paid $2,500 per week to control Britney's life for the next few months. It's a sweet gig for which his resume was submitted vaginally just over two and a half decades ago. People magazine has the details:
"When his temporary co-conservatorship over his daughter Britney Spears was extended until July 31, Jamie Spears was also granted new powers, court documents from yesterday's hearing show. In addition to a $58,800 payment to the conservatorship for attorney fees and other costs, Jamie was given weekly payments of $2,500 and the authority to tap his daughter's funds to lease a car for her security team."
Now if Spears senior starts getting out of limos with his southern lady parts hanging out, and if he shaves his head, and if he suddenly gives birth to Sean and Jayden, we'll know it was the money what did it.
It's always the money what did it.
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