Being a gypsy is an affliction that mostly just effects the gay community.

The men therein go to sleep wearing beautiful sequinned pyjamas, and then wake up dressed like Aladdin clutching a stolen loaf of bread. It’s tragic, it’s disheartening, and perhaps worst of all – nobody knows the cause.

Granted, this is all according to our late Uncle Saul. He also says Hitler‘s still living deep inside a hollowed-out elephant.

Weird.

Saul wasn’t the only one who worried so for all the poor gypsies – Madonna does too. That’s why she just let them  have her shoes.

If we could save the gypsies, you know that we would. We’d put them all up in a grandiose mansion full of hot dogs and diet drinks, and then sleep well every night for the rest of our lives knowing we made a difference. And then, most likely, we’d show up one day to check on them only to find they’d moved all our expensive chandeliers down to their riverside encampment and all the pants we left for them were used only to practice their pick-pocket skills.

Gypsies are so stupid and ungrateful.

The point is – you can’t save them. You can’t save prostitutes or orphans either.

Now Madonna could really care less about prostitutes or orphans. Gypsies on the other hand – well she’s in love with them all. In fact we heard they are who she left Guy Ritchie for. We don’t have that documented anywhere. Perhaps this deep affection she carries for the dirtiest of the thief-world is why she’s currently trying to save them all with a pair of her shoes.

No – she really is. According to Access Hollywood:

“The Queen of Pop has offered one of her favorite pairs of Christian Dior shoes to a charity supporting Gypsy child education. Organizers said Tuesday the skyscraper gold heels, which are autographed by Madonna, will be sold at the Ovidiu Rom annual ball later this month.”

Gypsy problem solved.

The shoes will sell for a decent price unless it’s discovered Madge got them at a JC Penney back to school sale. The money will be used to infuse the unfortunate beggars with proper grammar and mathematical skills, and then they’ll be more efficient in figuring out the square root of whatever money they just pinched from your wallet.

Sure – you’re still down the money, but at least now you’ll know it can at least be stacked in some sort of numerical order. And that just sounds better, doesn’t it?

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