America – you had your chance. Had you more respect for the Presley name, had you not referred to her poor father as ‘Fat Elvis’ every three seconds, and perhaps if you hadn’t completely snubbed every single one of her musical attempts, Lisa Marie may have been content to stay within your borders forever.
But no – you all only reminded her that she didn’t have constant access to fish wrapped in newspaper, dreary gray skies or pictures of the queen staring back at her from the face of all the currency in her pocket.
So she’s up and moved to England – and it may or may not have more to do with Scientology than all that other stuff we wrote up there.
If Scientology is ever gonna catch on in England, then they should send a beautifully gorgeous representative to act as an emissary – gathering converts under her wings while she patiently explains the theologies of L. Ron Hubbard through her cherry red, voluptuous lips.
That or they could just send Lisa Marie Presley to live there for a while, threatening the locals that if they don’t join she’ll pull out her Michael Jackson & Nicolas Cage wedding albums. Were that the case – we’d join. Yes, joining is a far better alternative to that kind of pain. Unless she photoshopped a picture that looked like Cage & Jackson actually married each other.
We’d look at that pic long before we spelled our name in the Scientology ledger.
By the way – we actually don’t know that Presley was sent abroad by her church. All the sites talking about her move to the old country happen to mention she just bought a mansion near the Scientology center. Some of the sites say her reasons for moving are far, far dumber. Check out this one from the Daily Mail:
“It is understood constant gossip surrounding her ex-husband Michael Jackson helped form Presley’s decision to flee America.”
She moved to the UK to stop hearing people wonder aloud if MJ was buried with his nose? We were more impressed when we thought she went with the intention of getting the royal family under Hubbard’s thumb. If it worked – imagine the spaceships Scientology could build with royal donations.
We don’t think she moved to avoid Jackson-oriented conversations or to form a Scientological stronghold. We think she moved to get the heck away from her father’s ghost. After all, a woman can only take that kind of thing hovering over her twins’ cribs so many times.
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