Throughout the ages one thing and one thing only has kept the world spinning – friendship.
Yes, friendship is such a powerful force that it last through war and bloodshed, through pestilence and turmoil. And if you are blessed enough to have a friendship with say, a chain smoking girl DJ with whom you share a Facebook account last name, well you are lucky indeed. It’s because those are the kinds of friends that last.
And you gotta keep other people away from those friends too. That’s because those are the type of friends everybody wants for themselves. Lindsay Lohan knows this. Yesterday we reported that she recently used vulgarity and possibly a little alcohol puke in the corner of her mouth to rescue her greatest chum from the talons of an Olsen twin who was just about to fly away with her forever.
People, we’ve found the Facebook page.
Well Lohan’s done it. The rumour mill is going again, and this time it’s not just about falling on or off the wagon – but about her breeding preference. You see, in recent times Lohan has up and moved in with a girl named DJ Samantha Ronson, who is apparently quite good at selecting music for others to hear. The two have become quite chummy-chummy enough for Lohan to make a Facebook account under the name ‘Lindsay Ronson’.
Now we’re not saying the two are married or anything, but they have been seen raising two kids all the way from pre-school to college and arguing about things like toaster colours and who filled out the ‘damn’ cross word puzzle when it clearly wasn’t their turn, and got 37-down wrong anyway.
Is that true? We speculate no.
What’s definitely true is this – the two were out at a club recently when Ashley Olsen gave Samantha a kind hello. Lohan, apparently, erupted like this:
“Get your 15-year-old Full House ass away from my girlfriend.”
Which is pretty funny, right? But if you think about it – of course Ashley Olsen is gonna find herself drawn to someone who calls herself DJ. It’s been programmed in her since day one on the sitcom-set. She’s also fond of Jesses, Joeys, Comets and Giblers. Also she’s fond of the time Steve Urkel told Steff it was OK to have less than adequate eye sight.
Olsen maybe reacted poorly. She could have but didn’t hit Lohan square in the jaw with a garbage bag full of 32 unsold copies of her 1999 Olsen twin movie Passport To Paris, which had weak storytelling but good over-all plot and direction. VHS tapes flew everywhere, and upon seeing one lodged in the bartender’s head Lohan said ‘Oh? You were in this? This film is why I started acting.’ Now they live together and have never been happier. We’re checking Facebook for more details.
And so we give them this advice – from early on one of you fill in the across sections, and one fill out the downs. That way a stupid newspaper game will never come between you. Trust us, but more importantly, trust our parents.
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Rob Delaney says
Miss Ronson is one scary looking fellow…
Shawn Lindseth says
With 1000 apologies to S. Heritage for me not noticing he already wrote a better article that was mostly about the exact same thing.
http://www.hecklerspray.com/lindsay-lohan-possibly-gets-spazzed-on-booze-again/200813758.php
No – make that 2000 apologies.