Oh for God’s sake, Kourtney Kardashian. You’ve spoilt it. For generations, all Karadshian children have been given K names.
Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris, Kendall. That’s how it works. They all have K names. It doesn’t matter if, like Kourtney or Khloe, you give them a C name and just change the first letter to K. It doesn’t even matter if, like Kendall, you name them after a cake instead of a person. It has to be a K name. Understand? It has to be a K name.
So what did you decide to call your new-born baby boy, Kourtney Kardashian? That’s right – you decided to call him Mason Dash Disick. That’s not a K name! The only K in there is the one at the end of his surname, and that doesn’t count! You’ve ruined it! We hate you, Kourtney Karadshian! WE HATE YOU!
Hey, remember when Kourtney Kardashian got pregnant that time? Us too. Man, that was amazing. We didn’t even know that the Kardashian sisters even had sex – it’s not like any of them have made widely-distributed hardcore sex tapes or anything, is it? But still, at least Kourtney was prepared to step up and manfully combat the planet’s desperate shortage of Kardashians, so well done to her for that.
Anyway, if you cared about Kourtney Kardashian’s pregnancy – and you’d be a bloody liar if you even pretend otherwise – you’ll be pleased to know that it has resulted in the birth of a baby boy. A baby boy whose middle name is Dash. Presumably Kourtney’s next child will have the middle name Dot and she’ll keep repeating the pattern until she’s able to line them up and spell the word ‘ballsacks’ out in Morse code.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Want to hear all about Kourtney Kardashian’s news baby? Of course you do. Here’s CNN – yes, CNN – with details:
Reality television star Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a baby boy Monday. Mason Dash Disick was born in Los Angeles, California, weighing 7 pounds, 6 ounces, and measuring 19.5 inches long. This is the first child for Kardashian, 30, and her boyfriend, Scott Disick, 26.
19.5 inches long? Wow, it sounds like young Mason might be able to follow in his Auntie Kim’s footsteps. What? 19.5 inches is the length of his entire body? Oh, OK, forget we said anything.
In many ways, the birth of Marlon Dash Disick rounds off an incredible year for the Kardashian sisters. Kourtney has given birth to a healthy baby, Khloe got married to a man she basically just met and Kim managed to only appear on camera with her vagina inside her knickers. Landmark achievements one and all. In fact, now they have all accomplished their dreams, maybe the Kardashian sisters could try and not be on TV all the time in 2010. Please. For us.