Worrying reports are flooding into the bedsit that Girls Aloud and (apparently) solo star Kimberley Walsh has managed to misplace long-time friend and band-mate Cheryl Cole while on holiday in America. News in recent weeks has suggested that Cheryl is trying to get her PR disaster of a career back on track but this latest navigational disaster could be the death-knell in the coffin of Chezza’s dreams of cracking America.
Cole and ‘Bez Friend Fo’evvvvaaaaa’ Kimberley Walsh had been enjoying a short holiday in Los Angeles for the past week but concerns have been raised when Walsh was seen at London’s Heathrow airport Arrivals area without her former band-mate.
The pair had been enjoying nights out in Hollywood with Cheryl’s brother Garry, not to mention hooking up with?Dancing With The Stars professional, Derek Hough. We’re not quite sure what ‘hooking up’ means in this context but if it transpires that anyhting has happened to the Geordie songstress and Will.I.Am fancier then he will have to numero uno on the list of suspects.
Kimberley appears to have misplaced her friend and is now back home, leaving Cheryl lost and alone Stateside. hecklerspray have some ideas where she might be:
1. Stalking Simon Cowell
It’s a well-known facLot now that Cheryl’s less than graceful exit from the US version of X Factor was a stumbling block in her career. However, there is still a great deal that is not known about the reasons behind her exit from the show. Did she fall out with Paula Abdul and perhaps call her a miserable old single has-been? Probably. That won’t stop her following Simon Cowell around, trying desperately to curry favour though, will it?
2. Sitting in Will.I.Am’s Basement
It’s no secret that Mr I.Am is a big fan of the people’s princess, Mrs Cole. Perhaps these rumours of her reuniting with estranged husband Ashley have been enough to force the Black Eyed Pea’s hand in the matter. After all, with the dreadful, tuneless berks taking a break for a while, he’s going to be looking for something to do.
We mean musically, obviously. Far be it for people as depraved as ourselves to accuse Mr I.Am of being some kind of sexual deviant.
3. Taking Elocution Lessons
It is speculated that not only did Cole fall out with the miserable, single has-been Paula Abdul but American audiences found her lilting Geordie tones quite difficult to follow. This is despite the fact that Steve Jones, who is famously Welsh and speaks like an alligator with an underbite, has been hired to present the show.
So, of course, there are rumours floating around that Cheryl is trying to perfect a lovely, dulcet Harry Secombe tone for her next American job.
4. Writing for hecklerspray
Look at you, sitting there in disbelief. Who’s to say that Cheryl doesn’t already write for us? You honestly thought that Matthew Laidlow was a real person? You couldn’t be more wrong. He is, in fact, Cheryl Cole writing under a pseudonym and giving her celebrity rivals ‘what for’. You go, “Matthew Laidlow”!
Of course, she could just be relaxing on the beach somewhere far away from the long lens of the paparazzi. You know… like the moon or something.
JoeMomma says
As I don’t live in the UK and I’m over the age of 16. I have no idea who these girls are in the picture. But is the one in the middle upset because she hasn’t splurged on a boob job like the girl to her left (the one on the right side of the picture for you spatial-perceptionally-challenged types)
Linda Elroy says
“PR disaster”. Don’t exaggerrate. The XF debacle was a clusterf*** but one for which Cowell and co were responsible. Cheryl’s chilling out before getting back to her solo career and Girls Aloud. No biggie.
I’m also not quite sure how long the tabs are going to go on and on about her and Ashley. They’re certainly not acting newly reconciled. They’ve barely been in the same country for more than 5 mins at a time over the last 3 months. Cheryl’s still in LA and Ashley will be heading abroad with Chelsea in a few days. Seems to me they’re working on remaining friends…as Cheryl had said she wanted to happen.
Cookie Monster says
I came all of the way down here, to the end of this post that I did not read to say something like, “The blonde is thunking that one of these bits of tit doesn’t look like the other one,” you know, all Sesame Street-like. Then I find that here you are, JoeMomma, stealing my every thought.
Bravo, sir.