We’re red-blooded men, so if there’s one thing we like more than watching strangers have sex, it’s watching strangers have sex and then cry.
Therefore, we’ve decided to crown Kim Kardashian as our favourite girl in the whole wide world. Following that tape she made where she had loads of sex with that bloke, Kim Kardashian has apparently been sobbing her eyes out because she was voted off Dancing With The Stars this week.
True, that means there’s a full 18-month gap between Kim Kardashian having sex and Kim Kardashian crying, but we have to take what we can get. Anyway, the point is that Kim Kardashian was sad to be voted off Dancing With The Stars last night. But on the plus side, Kim can use this new free time to really try and work on closing that gap between the sex and the crying, maybe getting it down to a week or a good night’s sleep.
Differences between Britain and America, volume 14 – on British dance-based reality TV shows, the contestants tend to be retired journalists and wholesome television presenters. In America, though, they tend to pick people who are only famous for having sex on the internet.
And that’s how Kim Kardashian ended up on Dancing With The Stars this year, alongside that other noted sex tape star, 82-year-old Cloris Leachman. We’re just kidding, Cloris Leachman has never made a sex tape. But we heard rumours about a filthy wax cylinder once.
However – and we’re not going to pretend we know how – Kim Kardashian was voted off Dancing With The Stars last night, and reacted in the same way that most of us would if we discovered that our home nation had rejected us due to our participation in a grotty little sex film a year and a bit ago. People reports:
Though she concluded the show with a playful rendition of one of their earlier dances, once the cameras were off Kardashian rushed to the waiting arms of her family and immediately broke down into tears. Kardashian’s publicist followed the inconsolable bombshell around the press line with a box of Kleenex since, once the waterworks started, there was no stopping the outpouring of genuine emotion.
Yeah, we know all about following Kim Kardashian around with a box of Kleenex, right boys? There was no stopping the general outpouring of human emotion that night! Right? Anyone? Boys? No? Anyone? Too much?
Anyway, Kim Kardashian’s partner seems to think that her innate shyness was what got her thrown off Dancing With The Stars. You see, Kim Kardashian just doesn’t like performing in front of large groups of people like that. She prefers intimacy, you know. Intimacy and a camera. Intimacy and a camera and a bloke’s ding-dong slapping around the inside of her mouth. Give her all that and Kim Kardashian probably would have won Dancing With The Stars.
Still, Kim should realise that there’s no point getting upset about being voted off a reality TV show. These moments are always a stepping stone to bigger and better things, so who knows? Maybe this time Kim Kardashian will be starring in a sex tape with two men. Or two men and a horse. Or two men and a horse and a pregnant diarrhea-stricken midget dressed as Heather Mills. The sky’s the limit.
Dasie says
Yeah, see it’s almost the end of the school year. Behave Kim!