You may have seen photos of Michael Jackson's bruised and scarred new face – but so what? 'Michael Jackson Has Plastic Surgery' isn't news, it's an event so regular that horologists use it to keep timepieces accurate.
But 'Michael Jackson Has Plastic Surgery Because He Was Punched In The Face By A Child And His Lips Exploded' – now that's news. Fortunately, that seems to be the exact thing that happened to Michael Jackson recently. According to reports, the reason why Michael Jackson suddenly needed surgery on his face was because his five-year-old son Prince Michael II accidentally smacked him, causing his mouth to 'burst and collapse' in the style of a gruesome straight-to-DVD horror movie. Reports that Prince Michael II then went for a knife, wailing "And this is for You Rock My World" are as yet unconfirmed.
All being well, The Jackson Five will go on tour next year with Michael Jackson included in the line-up. Whether or not Michael Jackson will reprise his winning vocals on songs like ABC and I Want You Back or just stand in the shadows self-consciously jigging from side to side in silence because his face looks like it's been half-eaten by a hungry pig, though, will mostly be down to how much his plastic surgery has healed by then.
Earlier this week, newspapers and websites were full of pictures of Michael Jackson's horribly bandaged face, prompting speculation that he'd undergone even more plastic surgery. And if these new reports are correct, that's exactly what he's done. However, Michael Jackson didn't have plastic surgery on his mouth because of vanity or anything like that – Michael Jackson had plastic surgery on his face because he was beaten up by a tiny infant child.
Apparently Michael Jackson was playing around with his five-year-old son Prince Michael II when the boy walloped him him the mouth and burst his face wide open. Prince Michael II, of course, is the child that Michael Jackson once dangled from a balcony like a nimrod, but it's not known if the boy slammed his fist into Michael Jackson's kisser because of that.
According to a source – who seems to enjoy life's more horrible details a little too much – this is how the Michael Jackson lip explosion went down:
"He was whacked in the face accidentally by his younger son Prince Michael II while playing around and part of Jackson's upper lip collapsed. That mishap led an hysterical Jacko to make a beeline for the plastic surgeon for a bit of quickie repair work."
Now, imagine that you're five years old and you've just accidentally hit your Dad in the face, only for a considerable section of it to explode, leading to him screaming and flailing around and bleeding lip-gore everywhere. Usually that'd be a profoundly distressing incident for a normal child to have caused, but on the other hand his Dad is Michael Jackson, so this all probably ranks fairly low on the weirdometer.
And, of course, our heart also goes out to Michael Jackson. We can't imagine what it must be like for him so suffer such grisly injuries from an attack by his own young son. It must be almost enough to put him off children for good.
Read more:
Megan says
Michael Jackson Kid didnt PUNCH him at all hes a child he acidently hit him while they where messing about that what lil kids do
Bloody hell
I fuking hate press there pathetik and sould be put down
Pam says
Dear God, Megan, is there SpellCheck on your computer?
kyle says
uu assholes ! whoever wrothe this article !! ‘reports that prince michael II then went for a knife’ …. you absolute tossers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its BJ Bitch says
Michael cut himself while shaving. Dont be so dumb!
Megan says
By thw way Pa, you saying that to A 13 year old girl!
How pathetik!
A.E. says
Don’t they Mean his STEP-SON?
Michael Jackson Has three STEP-CHILDREN.
Face says
“Reports that Prince Michael II then went for a knife, wailing “And this is for You Rock My World” are as yet unconfirmed.”
Now that I have quoted the article here, I will proceed to laugh until my teeth fall out and I choke to death on them. THAT……..was funny shite.
Now excuse me.
LOLUMTFOAICOT
Angela says
hahaha! i wonder if it was one of these kids:
http://ordinary-stars.blogspot.com/2007/12/michael-jackson.html
Gabby says
I love MJ and all…but this story had me in tears I was laughing so hard XD this doesn’t even seem real! It EXPLODED?!? ew! XD
face w. says
wow you guys should be ashameds of your selfs michael jackson inveneted dancing if it wernt 4 michael jackson this world would be dull because there would be NO dancing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ASDFGHJKL says
How did they become his step children? i bet you don`t even know what step children are.
Jelboo says
An article of astounding journalism. I bet you’re crawling in the dust kissing the soles of his feet now that he’s dead, you fucking vultures?