You don't have to be a genius to recognise that reality TV is slowly creeping into TV schedules more and more, and we can all agree that 78.4% of it is an absolute pile of shit. There have been a few gems however. 

In the beginning, we had the chance to see what drugs did to Ozzy Osbourne, who appeared to be unaware that any cameras were filming him, and most recently Big Racist Brother. The nation couldn’t have been more entertained by Jade Goody slowly digging herself a bigger grave each day with her racist comments to everyone’s now favourite bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty. If you don’t like Shilpa, you’re a big fat racist too and we'll report you to Channel 4. And now the logical conclusion – we are sad to inform you that US entertainment channel E! has picked up two fame grabbing whores of our so-called celebrities and made a series out of them. We are literally bouncing around the room as we unexcitingly wait for Katie and Peter: Next Chapter to clog up the airwaves.  

A spokeswoman from E!  told the Mirror:  

"We realised that this is a really fun couple, and they really gave all access. In the US it's getting a little harder to get the full access to a celebrity's life." 

At least let us gain access to the life of a celebrity who is actually famous for something. Being a fly on the wall when Angelina Jolie plans to adopt a child instead of being too lazy to wait nine months so she can pop one out would be make much better TV. A fun couple? Katie and Peter? Whoever has commissioned this show obviously needs rusty nails placed inside their head before they're repeatedly slammed against a brick wall.

Like the dogs we are at hecklerspray, we constantly lap up any nugget of Jordan-related news because she leads such an exciting life. How we envy a girl whose only talent is getting her tits out to fulfil the fantasies of fortysomething perverts who need some wanking material.

Jordan's husband Peter Andre has also released records that make anyone subjected to them want to claw off their ears and rub salt into the wounds. Listening to tramps singing after they’ve downed several cans of Special Brew rates more highly in our book. Someone has probably helped Jordan to write this following bit of spiel on the official Katie Price/ Jordan blog to remotely try and convince us that watching some balloon-chested munter and a failed pop star who won’t go away will be worth us giving up some of our precious time: 

“As the series unfolds, cameras follow Katie and Peter as they attend various showbiz parties and photo shoots jet off around the globe and continue to live their lives in the glare of the public eye.” 

Excited? Hmm, it doesn’t particularly make us want to rush downstairs and programme our Sky+ box so as not to miss any of the gruesome twosome's wacky adventures. Katie and Peter: Next Chapter airs April 19 on ITV2 in the UK and April 27 on E! in the US*.

Good to see that ITV loves it so much that they wouldn’t even bung it on at 11.30pm at night. Probably because they’d know their audience share would evaporate and instead of watching, switch to dodgy porn from the eighties on Channel Five. An excellent idea to shun it onto ITV 2 instead, the channel reserved for the unemployed, students and for people wanting to catch up on programmes shown in the mid-nineties.

Read more:

Jordan/ Andre Show To Be Shown In The US – Digital Spy