Lindsay Lohan is shaping up for the hardest day of her life – a judge has ordered her to answer questions about herself.
What? You think that’s easy? You think that, just because Lindsay Lohan’s specialist subject is Lindsay Lohan, she’ll be able to breeze into the courtroom and score full marks? You couldn’t be more wrong. You see, a judge has ordered Lindsay Lohan to answer questions about herself eloquently. You see? Different matter entirely. No incomprehensible screeches, no impenetrable tangles of self-cannibalising tweets. Just simple questions and plain answers about her 2007 arrest.
Yeah, you’re right. Lindsay Lohan should just spend the next few weeks getting her body prison-ready. That was a well-observed point.
This is easily the most trouble that Lindsay Lohan has been in since, oh, last Wednesday or something. Honestly, we’ve lost the ability to keep track any more. On top of her fugitive past, her SCRAM anklet and her arrest warrants, Lindsay Lohan has now been ordered to go back to court to describe that time in 2007 when she drove around like a maniac with her pockets stuffed with cocaine until she was arrested. EW has more:
A Los Angeles Superior Court judge ruled Thursday that Lindsay Lohan will have to answer questions about a 2007 incident involving a car chase that lead to her arrest. Some of these questions will be directed towards her drug use at the time of the incident. Lohan?s answers, which will be recorded during a two-hour deposition in July, will be used in a civil lawsuit.
It’s just a shame that Lindsay Lohan will be interviewed in a private deposition. Really, if there was any justice in the world, it’d be broadcast on every television channel on the planet. Imagine – the thought of seeing Lindsay Lohan explain why she screamed ?I can’t get in trouble, I’m a celebrity, I can do whatever the fuck I want” before leaping in the car, or the terrified 911 call from the woman she was chasing, or all the cocaine that the police found in her pockets. Who would want to watch that?
And we know what you’re thinking – why does a prolific tweeter like Lindsay Lohan have to go all the way to a court to reveal details about her life? Why doesn’t she just stay at home and answer the questions on Twitter?
Well, that’s simple. The Los Angeles Superior Court simply doesn’t have the time or the necessary funds to hire the army of linguistics professors needed to decode Lindsay’s tweets into anything even approximating English.
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