So Lindsay Lohan has to wear an alcohol-monitoring SCRAM anklet from now on. That won’t just punish Lindsay.
It’ll punish everybody. It’ll punish the salt of the earth nightclub owners, who’ve been relying on Lindsay Lohan’s alcohol consumption to put their children through college. It’ll punish the paparazzi who, now that Lindsay Lohan won’t be drunkenly falling out of a different nightclub each night, may have to resort to getting a proper job. And, because not drinking will give Lindsay Lohan more time to concentrate on her acting, it means we’ll all have more even horrible Lindsay Lohan films to studiously avoid.
But did that stop a Los Angeles judge from strapping a SCRAM anklet onto Lindsay Lohan? No. No it bloody well didn’t. And Lindsay Lohan is furious about it, which we totally didn’t see coming.
This is no good. It looks like the hilarious Lindsay Lohan stories of the last few weeks – like the stories about her new cougar girlfriend and the stories about how much she likes kissing guns and the stories about her getting kicked off movies for being rubbish – are going to dry up.
For missing a scheduled probation hearing last week, a judge has punished Lindsay Lohan in the harshest possible way. Jail? No – at this point in time, being locked in a building with 500 butch lesbians and more contraband alcohol than a girl could possibly drink technically wouldn’t count as a punishment for Lindsay Lohan. Instead Lindsay’s been forced to wear a SCRAM anklet to monitor her alcohol intake, and submit herself to random drug tests. That’s as bad as it could possibly get for Lindsay Lohan, which might explain why she’s so narked off about it. MSNBC reports:
?Lindsay can't believe this is happening to her. She's furious and really doesn't think she's done anything wrong,? said a source close to the family. ?She had every expectation that she'd show up in court, her lawyer would make the argument that she couldn't wear the bracelet and she'd just have to finish her classes.?
Of course, it didn’t help that Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer made the argument that Lindsay couldn’t wear the SCRAM bracelet because she was making a film. Honestly, she would have been more likely to get out of it by claiming that she was part-cheese and had to urgently go and defend the planet from an army of technicolour robot wasps. Making a film indeed. That never happens any more. Credit us with some intelligence, Lindsay.
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Jennifer says
Bravo! The ending was absolutely brilliant. You always crack me up.