Yesterday we reported that Jon Gosselin had got sick of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and wanted to leave. Apparently this isn’t the case.
Because, really, why would it be? Realising that you’re part of a show that’s directly hurting your family and deciding to end it for the sake of damage limitation would take a tiny pinch of self-awareness. And that’s obviously something that Jon Gosselin was born without, otherwise he wouldn’t have married a woman with such an alarming haircut.
Either way, Jon Gosselin wants to keep making Jon & Kate Plus 8 forever. Sorry for crapping all over your day.
Jon Gosselin knows a good thing when he sees it. Or, to be more accurate, Jon Gosselin knows a spectacular awful thing when he sees it, but he just pretends it’s a good thing.
Like his ex-wife, for example. Yes, she may be a flinty-faced cyborg with roughly 45 simultaneous haircuts and hobbies that include ‘patronising Jon’, ‘belittling Jon’ and ‘acting surprised when Jon reportedly cheats on her’ but, goddamn it, Jon Gosselin loved Kate Gosselin with all his heart. Or at least he pretended to because he was scared that she’d punch him in the face otherwise.
It’s the same with Jon & Kate Plus 8. It may have transformed Jon Gosselin from a chubby everyman to a global joke, it may have cost him his marriage, and it may have ensured that his kids will grow up to have such startlingly low self-esteem that they’ll all make their living writing books called things like I Only Give Handjobs To Homeless Men Because Daddy Wasn’t There For Me but, goddamn it, Jon Gosselin loves Jon & Kate Plus 8.
It just might not seem that way, that’s all. Yesterday we told you that Jon Gosselin had been whining about Jon & Kate Plus 8, and how he dreamed of having a job that involved something other than having his slow-motion emotional breakdown documented by an ironically-named TV station. Well, he didn’t mean it.
In actual fact, Jon Gosselin loves Jon & Kate Plus 8. He’s realised that being a reality TV star not only gives you more money than a podgy little beta male like him deserves to have, but it also a marriage-destroying amount of pussy. Jon Gosselin loves Jon & Kate Plus 8. He loves it so much that he probably wants to marry it, get it pregnant with loads of kids and then make a reality TV show about the slow disintegration of their love for one another, since that seems to be his thing. Anyway, EW reports:
?A fan asked me, ?Don't you sometimes wish you could go back to a 9-to-5 job?? [I replied] ?Yeah, because this is 24/7 and 9-to-5-ers punch in and punch out and you have no responsibilities, ? Gosselin said. He believes his comments were taken out of context because of someone having ?overheard something that was nothing… How can you write something about me without actually asking me??
Hi there, Jon. Hecklerspray. Pleased to meet you.
Lori says
You need to get a life
Olive Juice says
I found you article quite amusing until I got to the end. Vulgarity was totally unnecesary.
lisa says
I agree, the use of God’s name was totally uncalled for and majorly diminished the credibility of the article. Furthermore, it shows the kind of person you are as it is one thing to identify a persons behavior, but to spend so much time attacking a person’s appearance shows have insecure you must be. Get a life and learn to love yourself. He who attacks other just to attack has maney more faults of his own…
laura says
Write about a “real celebrity”. These parents (for lack of a better word) are pimps of the worse kind.
madeira says
so.. the question is:
why Jon and Kate did end up like that.. separated and all..
they should be together. they so deserve eachother.
she is just as much selling her kids as him.
she is to him what he is to her..
oh.. and they have 8 kids together soo.. they should
really get together again.
perfect match
Will says
I, am beginning to hate Jon and Kate, I agree get some real celebrities all I have to say go lay dow Jon and Kate.