If it’s not soaring petrol costs, immigrants stealing all the crap jobs that no-one wants or obesity, then there’s always one story on TV – bloody global warming and our apparently massive carbon footprint.
While the USA, China, India and other big fuck off countries do nothing to force their citizens into any vague ecological action, it’s the UK that suffers. Rubbish pop stars and crap celebrities rally round to try and make us believe they give a shit and shake off any twatty image they may have.
How do they do this? That’s right, by song. Which is why indie twig Johnny Borrell is going to environmentally gig it up with a band made up of MPs. Maybe they’ll cover the cost by putting it on their expenses.
What’s this? Could Johnny Borrell really be sacking everyone in Razorlight to join a rock band made of politicians? If it’s true, angry speak from fans like IloVEu4EvErJoHNe on the Razorlight fan forum will go along the lines of “omg I hope you’re not replacing the band with these dad rockerz. Wot ave u done?”
But wait – before outraged Razorlight fans rally everyone round to start a huge fire and probably emit more carbon gases, we are sadly informed to tell you that Razorlight is intact. This is all just some awful malformed charity gig.
Yup, Johnny Borrell wants to play some happy clappy tunes with the people who brainwash us into thinking that sausages give us cancer and that we’re all single handily breaking the planet. You know the planet – the thing that’s been around for a few billion years and ain’t split in half just yet.
In order to raise some money for climate change and definitely not to use as money for down the pub, Johnny Borrell has enlisted some powerful friends to help him out. As the NME reports:
“The five politicians, including Lembit Opik, will perform a rendition of John Denver‘s ‘Leaving On A Jet Plane’ in the museum’s Aviation Room to highlight the campaign’s main point. As well as Opik, the band of cross-party MPs dubbing themselves The Aviators features the SNP‘s Peter Wishart, Conservative Anne Milton and Labour‘s Emily Thornberry and Ian Cawsey.”
Yeah, that’ll stop global warming – an indie twat and five nondescript politicians singing a John Denver song in a museum. Take that, slowing Atlantic thermoelastic circulation! Seriously, who are these people? No, really, we don’t know who any of them are.
We aren’t too familiar with politicians. Maybe if they printed up some MP stickers we’d be a bit more familiar with them. Honestly, it would be like a grown-up version of football stickers. We’re sure The Financial Times could give away a pack everyday and you could spend your precious lunch hour swapping Gordon Brown for that elusive Alistair Darling shiny.
Lembit Opik is the only person we know from Borrell’s all-star line up. And that’s only because he has a name that sounds like something that would be served with a curry. And also because he’s married to a Cheeky Girl. Or as she calls him, “a ticket to a UK passport.”
Read more:
Razorlight’s Johnny Borrell to perform with Lembit Opik – NME
Mithaearon says
I have actually started to use the word Borrelly as in insult:
“You fucking stupid Borrelly”
It’s great as it has two effects, those that know who Borrell is and will be insulted by it and those that have never heard of him won’t know you have compared them to the biggest twat in the world.
Stuart Heritage says
I like it! Do you say it so it rhymes with ‘morally’ with the emphasis on the ‘or’, or so it rhymes with ‘Pireli’ with the emphasis on the ‘ell’?
Personally I think BorELLy has a little more panache, but I want to get it right.
Mithaearon says
I use with the emphasis on the ell (BorELLy) as you say it sounds better that way.
Matthew Britton says
he really does believe he can change the world, doesn’t he? Oh god, this could be worse than the time he announced he was a ‘genius’. Actually, it’s certainly worse.
gir says
Who said hecklerspray contributed nothing to society?
Matthew Laidlow says
You should send your newly coined term to Viz magazine’s profanisaurus. I’m sure they still give away a pencil for any submission used. It’s more then we could spare at hecklerspray towers.