It’s been eight or nine seconds since our last Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo update, so you’re probably flapping about like a cold turkey junkie desperate for more.
No? You’re not? Your interest in Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo’s relationship is completely casual and you can stop reading about them any time you want? Stop kidding yourself, you’ve got a problem. Listen, if you’re not addicted to Jessica Simpson news, then try not to read the next paragraph.
Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were spotted out eating dinner last weekend, prompting speculation that their relationship is back on. Yeah, that’s right. We knew you’d read it. And we haven’t even got to the part about Jessica Simpson apparently cheating on Tony Romo with Jared Leto, either. Addict.
People always want what they can’t have, don’t they? Look at Jessica Simpson – she’s desperate for all the things she can’t have, like a regular-shaped jawbone and a voice that doesn’t make her cry with shame whenever she hears it.
She’s got plenty, like a Dad-pleasing rack and a lovely athletic boyfriend, but that means nothing. Especially when Ashlee Simpson keeps rubbing her dirty-looking emo husband from a rubbish band under Jessica’s nose. That’s why, if rumours in the National Enquirer are to be believed, Jessica Simpson went out and slept with the world’s dirtiest-looking emo from the world’s rubbishest band – Jared Leto from 30 Seconds To Mars – while she was still with Tony Romo.
If the rumours are true, then they seem to prove two key facts about Jessica Simpson – firstly that she just loves those boys with four-letter consonant vowel consonant vowel surnames, and secondly that she enjoys jeopardising relationships with nice young men by having quick bunk-ups with grubby blokes who look quite smelly, like the Jackass boys who Jessica allegedly slept with during her marriage to Nick Lachey.
But don’t get too excited about the imminent prospect of a mentally-scarring Simpson/Leto sex tape, because Jared Leto’s manager has denied that any of it happened. And, just to prove how strong they are, Jessica Simpson has been seen out eating giant hunks of meat with Tony Romo, as OK! reports:
The on-again-off-again twosome holed themselves up in a corner booth at N9NE Steakhouse in Dallas’ Victory Park on Saturday, the Dallas Morning News reports. Enjoying a hearty meal of steak (her) and burger (him), Tony and Jess kept to themselves, but did acknowledge Tony’s teammate, Isaiah Stanback, a receiver/kick returner, who was also at the establishment with his parents.
So, it looks like after splitting up with him and the possibly getting back together with him, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are definitely back on.* Hooray!
And, better than that, Jessica Simpson didn’t have sex with Jared Leto! That’s good news for all kinds of reasons – mainly because the thought of Jared Leto’s naked pasty emo body makes us feel physically ill, but partly because if it was true, Ashlee Simpson would have to retaliate by sleeping with someone more rubbish and unconvincingly emo to reinforce her position as emo Simpson daughter number one. And the only person more rubbish and unconvincingly emo than Jared Leto is evil Peter Parker from Spider-Man 3. Ugh.
*hecklerspray reserves the right to change its mind about this and pretend that they were always doomed wherenever the next Jessica Simpson/ Tony Romo split rumour comes along. So by the end of the day, then.