Jessica Simpson may have been mercilessly teased about her weight gain, but she knows what’s important.
Cakes. Cakes are important to Jessica Simpson. And Big Macs. And, more relevantly to this story, fans. All through Dumpygate, Jessica Simpson’s fans have been right there for her. And last night Jessica thanked her fans by performing a concert, where she told them that sometimes people wrongly focus on pointless things.
And since nobody would have heard of Jessica Simpson were it not for that awful TV show about her inherent lack of marital intelligence, we’re taking her as an expert on pointlessness.
It’s hard to try and second guess what Jessica Simpson is feeling at the moment. On one hand, websites and magazines and TV shows are gunning for her thanks to those photos of her looking like a lardy old fatsack on Sunday, and that can’t be very nice. On the other hand, people actually remember that Jessica Simpson exists. That hasn’t really happened for about 18 months.
In fact, we’re going to go with the latter. Jessica Simpson must be thrilled that she’s in the news again. Seriously. All she had to do was shotgun gravy through a bottlebong until she turned into a great big greedy gravity-hog, and all of a sudden Jessica Simpson’s back in the big league again.
It’s perfect, too, because a) Jessica Simpson is hardly gigantic by any means, b) hoards of celebrities are leaping to her defence and c) Jessica Simpson concerts now come under roughly the same level of media scrutiny as presidential inaugurations, raising the status of her mid-song banter from ‘dreary time-filler’ to ‘the sort of shit that someone should carve into a stone tablet’.
Which is just as well, because last night in Charlottesville, Va, Jessica Simpson punctuated her concert with some deeply profound words, as OK reports:
“In our world today, we focus on so many other things that are completely pointless. I wanted to tell the world we need to put our hands together and pray out loud.” After performing her song, “Still Beautiful,” the 28-year-old told the crowd at the arena to remember the song’s last line: “Even when I’m sad, every day I have is still beautiful. Please remember that, no matter what you go through in life,” she implored.
Now, it sounds as if Jessica Simpson is doing her best to stay positive in the wake of negative media reaction by writing off all the discussion of her weight gain as ‘pointless’. But in actual fact the precise opposite is true.
In actual fact, all this media attention has gone right to Jessica Simpson’s head to the extent that she now regards every piece of news that isn’t explicitly about her to be pointless. In her mind, everything – the recession, the problems in the Middle East, all that stuff about Blagojevich – pales into insignificance against the fact that Jessica Simpson has got a massive arse and her face seems to have mysteriously got three inches wider.
And rightly so. She’s a wise one, that Jessica Simpson. Like Buddha, or one of those other fat gods.
coffee says
who’s the perfect sister now, huh? oh, how the tables have turned…