Having seen several of her films, we thought that the only emotions Jessica Alba could convincingly portray were low-level dimness and moderate-level dimness.
How wrong we were – it turns out that Jessica Alba is also pretty good at ferocious anger, too. Apparently pregnancy hormones have sent Jessica Alba so mental that she keeps throwing her boyfriend Cash Warren out of their house.
At least Jessica Alba is blaming it on the pregnancy hormones, but she should be more honest – if we'd let a man called Cash knock us up we'd be pretty bloody livid too.
Smart girl, Jessica Alba. She knows that she can't be the only pregnant celebrity on the scene, or – thanks to Halle Berry – the most ridiculously swollen pregnant celebrity. But Jessica Alba can be the most needlessly talkative pregnant celebrity.
Even though she's only been pregnant for about five minutes, Jessica Alba has announced her pregnancy, declared how much she enjoys being pregnant, expressed her fear of breastfeeding and remarked on what lovely big boobies she's got. And now it's time for Jessica Alba to explain her hormonal rage in forensic detail.
Jessica Alba, you see, has kicked her boyfriend Cash Warren out of their house twice now. AHN reports:
"I think I threw him out of the house twice already since I've been pregnant. He's like, 'Are you just pregnant? I hope you're just pregnant and acting crazy,' and I'm like, 'It has nothing to do with that.' Little things make me so mad. He calls five minutes later than he said he was going to. You get so emotional when you're pregnant, and so irrational. It's totally dumb."
But while it's easy to put her dysfunctional behaviour down to a surge of pregnancy hormones, Jessica Alba might be affording it a bit too much of the blame. Because this whole 'kicking out and getting back together' thing isn't limited to her pregnancy – Jessica Alba dumped Cash Warren a month or two before he knocked her up. At this rate we'll be surprised if they even lasted until Easter.
But forget that, because Jessica Alba is barrelling through the pregnancy side-effect list so quickly that she's going to run out of stuff to blab about by the time she finally gives birth. So what next? An interview dedicated solely to all the haemorrhoids that have started jutting out of her anus? A press conference about the exact dimensions of poo that got evacuated in the last stage of labour?
Well, this is Jessica Alba we're talking about, so yes. Both of those things.
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Krissy says
You’re an ass. Jessica is amazing. Get a life and quit bagging her out to make yourself feel better.