We don’t know who to feel more sorry for – Jamie Lynn Spears or the man who seems to think that a photo of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding is sexy.
Because, apparently, somebody actually thinks that. There’s currently a huge investigation going on in America after a photo of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding with a boob exposed was apparently copied several times with the intention to post them onto the internet or sell them for profit. And since Jamie Lynn Spears is under the age of 18, the thief could technically be hauled up on a pornography charge.
We think we should probably point out at this juncture that the allegedly stolen photo is of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding her baby, and not of Jamie Lynn Spears being breastfed by her own mother. We know that Jamie Lynn Spears is only young, but that’s no excuse for weirdness.
You know what gives us the horn? Pictures of sexually-irresponsible teenagers having their knockers chewed on by babies. Phwoar.
Of course, we’re joking. If we had to make a list of all the sexiest things in the world, that scenario we just described would be right near the bottom, sandwiched right between ‘your nan doing a striptease to Push It by Salt-N-Pepa‘ and ‘1950s production line videos about minced beef’. But it sounds as if there’s one stone-cold lunatic in the world that does find the idea of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding sexy and, worse still, they think that others might as well.
You see, when she’s not writing notes that make her mother cry or failing to be empathetic towards other sexually-clumsy teenagers, Jamie Lynn Spears has a baby to raise. And, as everybody knows, part of raising a baby as its mother involves jabbing your tit in its mouth from time to time to stop it crying.
And, of course, part of raising a baby as its father involves taking photos of the mother with her tit out, even though you’re basically mugging her of her precious dignity, and then getting the photo printed at Wal-Mart fully aware that several other people will see your teenage girlfriend’s breast in the process and possibly make copies of that breast and try to illegally distribute it for fun and/or profit.
In that case, Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend Casey Aldridge is doing a bang-up job, because a photo of Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding that was taken on his camera and printed at a local Wal-Mart could have been duplicated several times by an employee, sparking a federal pornography investigation. The Sun reports:
Casey took a memory card of 12 family pictures to be developed at his local Wal-Mart in Louisiana. In the offending snap, Jamie Lynn’s left breast is exposed as she feeds daughter Maddie. Because she is under 18, selling the pictures, or buying them, could constitute a violation of federal laws prohibiting pornography – even though they weren’t taken for sexual purposes.
Whoever allegedly made copies of these Jamie Lynn Spears breastfeeding photos must be terrified at the moment – going to jail is bad enough, but going to jail because you got aroused by the sight of 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears’ dribbly tit, and knowing that you’ll have to use the phrase ‘Jamie Lynn Spears’ dribbly tit’ when explaining your gap in employment during all future job interviews, is bound to put the fear of God into you.
But this story isn’t anywhere near as bad as it seems. For instance, Jamie Lynn Spears hasn’t lost the photo of her breastfeeding her baby, she just mistaken allowed it to possibly be copied by someone. And, so long as she still has the original photo, and therefore still has something to show her baby’s appalled friends in years to come, all’s not lost.
Julian Mentat says
Wait; Federal pornography laws prohibit the sale of plain old child NUDITY?
Because I know this museum that spent millions on a painting called “Madonna and child”. To be more precise, “NAKED child”.
So they’re screwed. And it wasn’t even the well-known Madonna.
magnetite says
Is the hand of Mumsy Spears behind this? I ask because I’m as poor as a credit-crunch churchmouse on the dole (well, I am, to be honest…so if anyone’s got an organ pipe I can sleep tonight that’d be great) and even I’ve got a printer at home with a slot for a memory card. Surely the Spears clan will have one in their trailer too – somewhere under the pile of holy-water filled effigies of Elvis?
There are even kiosks in shopping centres that you can get photos printed at from a memory card…and unless they all contain a tiny cloned Robin Williams from One Hour Photo then I assume they’re safer than taking it to a shop like Wal-Mart or Staples for printing.
Indeed, the only reason I can think of to do so is to have a massive poster-sized blow-up made from your homely home photos; and if Mater Spears wants one of those on the wall(titty out and all, like some scrote Madonna and child), then it’s time to run away from home, kiddo. Don’t pack. Just grab the kid and run. Now, while you still can.
Misha says
I’m replying to Julian. No, simple child nudity is NOT illegal unless the genitals are the focus of the picture or the girl’s legs are erotically spread, or there’s a sexual act. Suckling a baby is not pornography according to federal child porn law. Artful nudity isn’t illegal and there are photos of nude children in books by Jock Sturges, Sally Mann, and Frank Cordelle that are sold at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. The TMZ story is false and based on a misunderstanding of federal laws.
Penelope Cruz made a film called “Jamon Jamon” when she was just 16 or 17 and it has scenes showing her breasts being sucked by adult men. It was filmed in Spain but is available for sale and rental from hundreds of American DVD stores. The federal government will tell you that film is legal too.
Julian Mentat says
Thank you Misha, so the museum is OK and I can stop my protest outside it.
Or, at least, I can change my placard from “CRIMINAL MATERIAL IN THIS MUSEUM” to “IT’S NOT THE REAL MADOONNA, JUST SOME OTHER DAME CALLED MADONNA THAT YOU NEVER HEARD OF, DON’T BOTHER GOING IN. AND THE CHILD ISN’T EVEN LOURDES.”
isabelle burtwarmer says
How good was your comment.
Stabby McGee says
Haha… buttwarmer.
Richard says
Jamie Lynn Spears is fucking hot and I fucked her last night it was amazing. The best sex I’ve ever had. She may seem sweet but in the bed she is one dirty whore and I love it. I gave her a cum facial.