Hecklerspray is still waiting for a Howard the Duck prequel, but alas, it never arrives. What has George Lucas got against a cigar smoking Anatidae? We want to see the story where Tim Robbins cries at his agent for casting him in such a terrible, terrible film!
Anyway, it’s obvious that Lucas wants to suck the marrow right out of the bones of Star Wars and do very little else.
And we’re not talking about the new 3D versions of the Star Wars films either. Yes indeed! We’re all faced with the terrifying prospect of brand new films which will probably look entirely at the back story of Jar Jar Binks.
George Lucas can’t help but meddle with the Star Wars story can he? He edited all the funny stuff out of the old films as well as putting a freakishly tiny Jabba in a new old scene, as well as softening the image of lovable wanker, Han Solo, by saying “Hey! Greedo shot first!”
And so, to make everyone a little excited, but mostly worried, there’s a lot of rumours flying around that Lucas is going to make another Star Wars trilogy.
The mutterings are saying that Lucas is planning an entirely new series of films, although nothing has been confirmed of course. He has to finish mucking about with new 3D technology first doesn’t he?
Quite who the stories will revolve around isn’t clear.
He could grab a new character from the vast Star Wars history (by which we mean, someone who hasn’t really featured in the films but stars in the myriad of books, comics and games out there) or, with any luck, take a gander at Han Solo’s past by showing him shooting people for a laugh and getting more sex than a rabbit with nice aftershave on.
The chances of that feel rather remote though, especially in light of the fact that Lucas is willing to have his old characters do all manner of tawdry shit.
Just look at the way C3PO and R2D2 are selling washing machines for Curry?s at the minute. Best not mention that dreadful Wookie Christmas special either.
Feel free to speculate in the comments.
JoeMomma says
Last I remember he said he was not going to do any more movies. Or finish off with the ‘last three movies’ of rebuilding the republic. I have mixed emotions on this as the first three/last three (whatever) movies were hit and miss. I’m not sure if we really want to see more mediocrity.
I’m sure scores of Star Wars fanboys will be up in arms when I say this, but really George Lucas is a one trick pony. Mind you it’s a Trojan sized pony, but still enough of the Star Wars.
r3d says
I couldn’t finish reading this article because of how poorly written it is. Mostly (really lame) jokes, barely a smidgen of content. The web used to be useful, now it’s full of obvious Lucas jokes and photos of cats. Great work!
Cookie Monster says
This is bad news. Lucas continues to suck-dry something that formed a great part of many folks’ childhood (so far as movies go). My gut tells me that he’ll have his effects crew work-out a really good technology to ‘3-D’ (it’s a verb now) movies shot in 2-D. He’ll dump the Star Wars sexogy on the market, make a good return, and then market the technology to studio execs. Why remake movies with new actors, having to actually film it again, when you can just release a 3-D version of the same old hits, straight to DVD?
First on the list will be American Grafitti. Second will be Debbie Does Dallas, if the pocket books rule the day. I’m not ready to see a 3-D treatment of classic John Holmes cinema, not by a long shot.
Darth Unimpressed says
George Lucas made 3 great films in the original star wars trilogy, and we all knew there were a further 6 star wars films that he wrote – 3 prequels and 3 sequels. He then made us wait 16 years for the prequels which were a total shitfest! Despite this most people still wanted to see the 3 sequels, but he announces he will never make them or another star wars film again. Now 5 years later it’s rumoured he wants to make another star wars trilogy but it won’t be the sequels we all want? Go fuck yourself George Lucas!
Jake says
Crikey, good stuff, aside from the fact that it’s all fabricated but i don’t gives a toss about that, george lucas is a big brrr, a behemoth of durrr, you knows what i mean.
Jason says
Lol.
paul santo says
i agree.i loved the original trilogy i even went back to see the first rerelease of them and i thought the changes he made were actually good.I didnt like the prequels as much starting to fall asleep during the phantom menace and i would have been happy if jar jar would have been killed off somehow cause he anyoned me but what really pissed me off the most was when he went back and messed up the ending of return of the jedi and and took out David prose and replaced him with the guy who played anikin in the prequels.that made so sense to me.i hated when he did that so to be honest at this point i think he should leave well enough alone.i dont think he should make anymore movies that involve star wars
coolio says
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