If you’ve ever liked a popular band such as B*Witched, S Club Juniors or Shed 7 then you’ll have realised that the press quickly stops running stories on them when they split up.

The same rule of thumb however doesn’t apply if you happened to enjoy the titillating musical delights of The Beatles, though.

Liverpool’s finest export have been delighting music lovers for generations. Their songs about peace, love and the results of multiple drug binges helped them to keep a presence in the public eye. During their career, The Beatles didn’t do much to piss anyone off, apart from the time John Lennon claimed that his band were “more popular than Jesus” in 1966. For 42 years, The Vatican has never forgiven the Beatle for what he said. But in a swift change of heart, they’ve decided to kiss and make up. Not literally of course, kissing the corpse of a dead man would be sick and wrong.

Since The Beatles split up, the four members have been doing their own respective thing. Paul McCartney continued to knock out record after record, tour around the world, get threatened by terrorists and marry a peg-legged vegan who he eventually managed to shake off. Ringo Starr on the other hand evolved into moody old bastard who would shout at the people who supported him and make crap records about Liverpool which made everyone cry.

George Harrison never really had any crazy moments during his solo career – though if today’s society is anything to go by, we expect a salmon farmer to come forward and claim that George Harrison signed him the deeds to his entire assets after a night on the drugs in the old days.

It was John Lennon who gave one of the most memorable quotes during the legacy of The Beatles. During an interview with the London Evening Standard newspaper in 1966, he said:

“Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue with that; I’m right and I will be proved right. We’re more popular than Jesus now. I don’t know which will go first – rock ‘n’ roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.”

Now if Lennon had actually said The Beatles were bigger then Jesus, he could have technically been right. Remember, Jesus had been kicking around the planet a few thousand years before the band had been born. In terms of physical height, we’re pretty confident that Jesus would have been quite a small chap. Thanks to something called evolution, John Lennon would have surely been taller than him. Even if it was by a few inches.

Because the Vatican Church been keeping up with the latest events in pop culture, they’ve finally decided that John Lennon was having a bit of a joke. The Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano which normally reports on hot topics involving The Pope has issued a statement about the incident. Remember, John Lennon was killed in 1980 – perhaps it was a slow news at L’Osservatore Romano regarding The Pope. Or he fell off the toilet and injured himself and they didn’t want to make The Pope look like a stupid twat. Anyway, the newspaper issued a statement saying that Lennon was:

“Showing off, bragging by a young English working-class musician who had grown up in the age of Elvis Presley and rock and roll and had enjoyed unexpected success.”

Of course, it all makes sense now! He was a mischievous rascal from Liverpool who was easily influenced by a cheeseburger-munching American, so all is forgiven. We have to blame Elvis instead for corrupting the mind of an innocent youth. All because the Vatican says so.

With the hatchet buried between the two, we can only hope that Jim Davidson gives every ethnic minority a cuddle to make up for being an obnoxious old bastard to them and that Bono will finally realise no-one cares about him, his music or his plans to single handily save Africa.

Well we can imagine can’t we?