Hey Everyone, Ringo Starr’s Sorry For Being An Idiot
As we all know, Ringo Starr has too much to do these days to justify pointless crap like being nice to his own fans.
However, some crazy old idiots got upset at Ringo Starr’s recent request for his fans to stop sending him stuff, so he’s decided to clarify his confusing little outburst. You see, Ringo Starr only wants you to stop sending him stuff because it hurts the environment and objects he signs only end up being hawked on eBay anyway.
Ringo’s quick decision to clear up the mess he made should be applauded – now we know that he doesn’t hate his fans, just the fans who like buying his autographs on the internet. And now we can also be sure that it really was Ringo Starr in that video earlier this week, rather than the melted underpowered robot of a kestrel in sunglasses that we assumed we were watching.
Ringo Starr might just be having the worst year of his life. Firstly Ringo Starr released a song to commemorate Liverpool’s status as the European city of culture, but the problems with it were twofold – firstly the song actually sounded like it was slagging Liverpool off a bit, and secondly he sung it in the style of a sad wounded ox.
To make matters worse, Ringo Starr then decided to promote the song by storming off an American TV show, telling Jonathan Ross that he didn’t really like Liverpool anyway and just generally infuriating people enough to behead topiary representations of him.
But Ringo’s worst moment came this week when, for reasons that we don’t even think he knows himself, he decided to post a video on his website asking fans to stop sending him fanmail all the bloody time.
At the time, Ringo’s justification for this was that he had “too much to do” to reply to fanmail. Oh really Ringo? You’re a 68-year-old millionaire who hits things for a living. What could you possibly have to do, apart from wait for the nice Meals On Wheels lady to bring you some more toad in the hole? You’re not trying to write the long-awaited follow-up to Octopus’s Garden, are you? Are you? Because, if you are, you really don’t need to. Really.
However, possibly because he was spooked by the hip young whippersnapper giving him hell on Sky News on Tuesday night, Ringo Starr has decided to hone his argument a little bit more. Rolling Stone reports:
The ban on fan mail was “in direct response to an inordinate amount of items which have recently appeared for sale on e-bay, and to those that repeatedly send cards and items to be signed.†Starr also felt all the mail was “a waste of paper and we all should be mindful of our carbon footprint… Please read this in a mellow way. Peace and love, Ringo.â€
Thank goodness Ringo Starr reminded us to read the statement in a mellow way. Up until that point we were shouting it furiously in a dense Hungarian accent, so it hardly made any sense to us.
Anyway, let’s hope that this new statement clears up all the misconceptions about Ringo Starr’s original video. We’re sure that it hasn’t affected his real fans’ opinions of him at all, because we get the feeling that Ringo Starr’s fans are either dead or too stupid to work out that computers aren’t just sealed-shut microwaves.
And we say that with peace and love, which we think means you’re not allowed to get shitty about it.
Is the whippersnapper on youtube yet?
Most certainly not…
I don`t blame him!
If people kept sending stuff for me to sign i`d say OI! stop it!,i`ve got to take the dog for a walk.
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In my fickle antipodean way, I agree with Ringo.
Sure he may not (was not) the best drummer ever but unlike shit-heads Posh and Becks at least he’s not taking the poor suckers trying to get some money to court.
Let’s not forget Posh & Becks taking their slaves of ten, 10 TEN! years to court. Because due to the pittance they were paid they sold on EBay some moldy shirts Becks wore once then chucked in the bin and a pair of muddy boots he gave to the dog to play with.
You got alot of nerve sitting here talking about how much of an asshole you think Ringo is and then turn around and say “that Ringo Starr’s fans are either dead or too stupid to work out that computers aren’t just sealed-shut microwaves.”
Your calling him an ass yet your sitting here trashing his fans for no reason at all! I’m sorry that were not idiots and don’t need autographs to be happy. Signing stuff is not his job! Music is his job, why should he sign autographs just so dumbass people can make a profit!
Gotta say, just because I play the drums, and you dig the way it sounds, shouldn’t mean I have to sign every peice of crap you send to me in the mail….
Ringo’s video ‘warning people with peace & love’ shows his disingenuousness when it comes to these principles in practice.
The later ‘carbon footprint’ excuse appears to be a lame attempt at quick damage control. I can almost hear a PR rep whispering in his ear: “Quick; say something politically correct. The ‘green thing’ is current. The pathetic ‘fans’ are too stupid to see through it anyway”, as if fans would blindly believe that they were not really being told to f-off in his video, and, besides, it was for a noble cause.
Being upset about pitiful ebay sales of his signature (does anyone really think a few bucks made on ebay will significantly affect his income stream?) makes him look greedy. Who would pay an ebay seller for his signature anyway? Ultimately it would be a devotee. So, we are back to those pesky d*mn fans again (aka known as Ringo’s generous and devoted employers).
In reality, fans get very little appreciation for all they provide. Sure, they get to enjoy the music, but they more than pay for that pleasure. Asking for something as miniscule as an autograph, or at least a few kind words, is not much considering all the celebrity gets as a result of their support. Think about what Ringo’s life would have been if he had had no ‘fans’. True fans deserve a measure of respect.
I believe that many a celebrity, no matter how talented, believes deep down that they are not truly worthy of all they receive (it’s not like they are slaving away in labs trying to cure cancer or anything like that), so they take out their petty insecurities and guilt against the very people who support them. This defense mechanism leads the ‘artiste’ to believe that fans are pathetic losers, to be disdained or worse, and why? Because fans have willingly contributed so much compared to what the artist provides in return. So, the belief goes that if an artist is not ‘worthy’, then certainly the people who give them so much must be fools. However, sometimes the veneer gets scratched, and we see this elitist, incorrect and disrespectful attitude bubble up to the surface.
If Ringo does not want to ‘deal’ with fans anymore, he has more than enough money to retire and to be as reclusive as he would like. All he has to do is stop performing.