These dead people, honestly, they’re disgusting – and not just because they smell and are dead all the time, either.
It’s because dead people just can’t stop making sex tapes at the moment. Just a few weeks after word of the Marilyn Monroe sex tape got out, it’s now been claimed that the equally dead Jimi Hendrix also made a sex tape with a couple of women. And best of all, the Jimi Hendrix sex tape is actually for sale!
True, most who have actually seen the Jimi Hendrix sex tape seem fairly certain that it’s a fake and that it’s mildly insulting for Jimi Hendrix to be attributed to some pornography just because it stars a black man with an afro and facial hair, but put yourselves in the distributor’s place – a famous face always makes more money, so it was always either going to be the Jimi Hendrix sex tape or the That Bloke Out Of TV On The Radio Sex Tape, and who’d buy that?
Jimi Hendrix may have choked to death on his own vomit 38 years ago, but he’s still as zeitgeisty as ever. Jimi’s take on fashion was iconic, his virtuoso guitar technique is still the high watermark for musicians to aspire to and – boy oh boy – his image-defiling energy drink sure is delicious!
But, more than that, Jimi Hendrix might have also managed to preempt the current fad for celebrity sex tapes. That’s right – if you believe Vivid Entertainment, Jimi Hendrix is now up there with A-listers like Kid Rock, Paris Hilton and that woman from Sex And The City because some alleged footage of him having it away with a couple of women has been unearthed.
And we’ll have none of this Marilyn Monroe sex tape ‘Ooh, let’s hide it and respect the dignity of the dead’ kerfuffle – this time copies of the Jimi Hendrix sex tape will go on sale to the public! Now you finally know what to get your office’s friendless, death-obsessed pervo sickball if his name comes up in the Secret Santa this year! Yay!
However, just because the Jimi Hendrix sex tape is for sale, it doesn’t mean that it actually stars Jimi Hendrix. As Reuters reports, the identity of the sex tape’s star is being contested:
The musician’s longtime girlfriend during the 1960s, Kathy Etchingham, told the New York Times after viewing still photos taken from the footage: “It is not him. His face is too broad and nose and nostrils too wide for Jimi.”… But Vivid said it consulted with several experts to authenticate the footage, including… Cynthia Albritton, better known as Cynthia Plaster Caster, famed for making plaster molds of celebrities’ genitals, including those of Hendrix.
Listen, it is Jimi Hendrix in the tape, OK? The word of a woman who briefly plunged Jimi Hendrix’s knob into a mould once four decades ago and now dines off that solitary fact on an official website where the menu bar is a stack of ejaculating penises should never be doubted. Never!
So let’s just assume that the Jimi Hendrix sex tape is genuine. And, so soon after the Marilyn Monroe sex tape, too. It seems like there’s a pattern emerging here, doesn’t it? So place your bets now! Which dead celebrity will be the next tawdry sex tape star? Will it be Elvis Presley? James Dean? Grace Kelly? Pope Gregory II? We’re giddy with anticipation!
Read more:
Maurice Colgan says
It’ll be Elvis Presley no doubt about it. Editors world-wide are already clearing front pages in anticipation.
Elvis’s performances were legendary!
Women threw themselves at him. Even Ann Margaret! They loved him Tender.
A word of caution, beware the wrath of Priscilla!
gir says
You are not funny Maurice. You are pathologically boring, and your desperate, Elvis-obsessed schtick is wearing thinner than the jumpsuit material between the King’s thighs.
Maurice Colgan says
I know I know gir, why you keep bothering to respond beats the hell out of me and all the other readers here.
But please continue to serve my purpose all the same. You do it exceedingly well. Almost majestick!
gir says
Please stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.
Maurice Colgan says
I’m accustomed to that already. I usually take the logical path, if you get my drift.
gir,Your obsession with a 66year old guy like me is raising eyebrows. Pick on a child your own age.
euclid says
Previous monologues (his)
have left me convinced that
McElvis is mentally ill.
I query the wisdom and or
moral responsibilities of baiting him.
Seriously.
(Don’t bother Maurice, I won’t read it and I don’t care.)
mst3kster says
It’ll be Elvis alright; fucking a fried chicken.
It’s finger dickin’ good.
Maurice Colgan says
OK Euclid, I agree, we are all mentally ill. That’s why I am responding to your libelous words. Even though I know you will not read what I write. Right?
You guys are so easy.
Elvis is dead. He wont read this either.
Thankyouverymuch for not reading. Please don’t read again sometime.
Stabby McGee says
What.
Sir AguerrnersZshiza says
Well
played.
M_In_O_Town says
Ok I’ve seen it too out of curiosity being a musician too, and the bullshit banter between Cyntha Plaster Caster Albritton and Pamela Des Barres is just too much with Pamela and her 12 step banter about how sexually fearless he was with no boundries, and Cyntha talking about her “casting” session with Jimi. If the cast she had with her was any indication, he was more girth than length. Well all the stardom and legend aside, the guy was only human folks I’m here to tell you and he died just like the rest of us will do, IF this is Hendrix at all which it is probably not.
First thing that was strange is “Jimi” just lying there on the bed motionless with that same “blowfish” expression on his face while the two women were servicing him and all the time not moving a muscle, were it me I’d be grabbing some tit or tail, second thing funny was his hair…too tight of an afro for it to be him. I mean look at all his pictures taken through out his career, it was pretty straight for a black man.
Really needed some sound and more on the film to verify if it really was Jimi, I would also like to have seen who had the film in the first place. Either way I’d set this one right next to Alien Autopsy.