Adding a fourth American Idol judge is a bad idea – like adding a fourth wheel to a tricycle, or a fourth leg to the injured dog that walks around hospitals on wheels sometimes.
Not to stretch that metaphor, but it would be fine if the fourth dog leg was as famous as the other three dog legs, but it’s not – it’s a weirdly anonymous dog leg that you wouldn’t even recognise if someone hacked it off and waved it around by itself away from all the other dog legs. Understand? Good.
Anyway. Kara DioGuardi, the new fourth American Idol judge, has now been formally introduced to the public. We could have just said that instead of banging on about dog legs and saved everyone a lot of time and confusion, we suppose. Oh, will we ever learn?
We’re gigantic American Idol fans and we literally treat the show like a God-figure, following its every command. For instance, every time we see the Coca Cola logo on American Idol, we drink two litres of Coca Cola. That’s why, if you ever meet us, we always need to go to the toilet and our teeth are brown and soft.
And because of our serf-like American Idol obedience, this week’s announcement that the new fourth American Idol judge would be songwriter/producer Kara DioGuardi sent us scurrying to the shops to buy every single CD she’s ever worked on. And boy oh boy are we ever glad we did that.
Honestly, we can’t imagine how we survived for so long without knowing the majesty of I Am Me by Ashlee Simpson, nor the eloquent magnificence of Dignity by Hilary Duff. And, just so this is out in public, when we die we want Take It Away by Becky Baeling from the album Ultra Dance 04, perhaps the pinnacle of Kara DioGuardi’s professional achievements, played at our funeral.
But just because we already know so much about Kara DioGuardi that we could probably become fairly proficient stalkers, you don’t know anything about her at all, do you? That’s why it’s lucky that the American Idol gang have formally introduced her to the world during the American Idol auditions in New York.
This is your big chance, Kara. Show everyone what a sparkly, effervescent and charismatic wundergurl you really are! People reports:
DioGuardi admits it was initially intimidating to join the judges’ panel, especially due to Cowell’s notorious reputation for being Idol‘s resident meanie. “I was a little bit,” DioGuardi confessed, “but I’m going to hold my own.”
Kapow! Now that’s charisma if ever we saw it. Viewers will be able to see Kara DioGuardi on American Idol when the new season starts in January. Our advice to Kara? Wear clothes that contrast with the chair you sit on. We wouldn’t want people to forget you’re even there, would we?
rowbear says
great article. no not really, just kidding.
gir says
I think you could probably say that she is The Other American Idol Judge I Don’t Care About.
Amanda says
What the #$%&. Why on gods green earth would we need another judge? The 3 do it the right way. Why after so many seasons would they want to go for that big of a change??? I think I may not watch this season. Why would I want to listen to some &*^%$# person that thinks hillary duff can sing. Or is she just a sell out……If you are not a sell out then you would enjoy the singing of the artists that you have sold your stuff too. Come on you suck you sellout!
aaron says
Ummm just in case she also produced for Lindsay Lohan and Avril, to name a few, and I like her songs, they are teen pop at it’s best, and if your gonna hate on that than its because you have no life….She is just what the show needed! Ta ha!
td says
Why mess with a winning trio of judges–even if it’s sometimes kind of a losing trio-lol:) I’d rather other changes had been made to breath some fresh air into the show. Voting rules changed–eliminate tryouts for people in big chicken suits and focus on the talented kids–something else besides adding a judge! Perhaps they fear that one of the original 3 will have a health problem or not show up and then they’d need an extra since 2 really isn’t enough.
euclid says
These comments are like listening to
a junior college hockey team arguing over
whose shit smells best. Good luck with that.
Monica says
Completely agree this this article, the new juged is a waste of screentime!! And very not famous!!
The fourth judge didn’t work in the past and it will not work now. Ratings might improve in the first 2 episode because of curiosity, but later they will drop more than last year.
Can’t wait for this new woman to get fired.
cris says
you all can suck on it she licks ass and she is a cockey b**&* i dont know why simon got her plus she just got fired for talking s**** on miley