Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin Are Confusing the Shit Out of Me


Last time I checked, Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow (two people I fucking hate admitting I find gorgeous) were “consciously uncoupling” or some other stupid shit. But since their separation announcement, bitches have been acting more like a couple than they have in years.

Right before they announced their split, they showed up together at the Golden Globes (they never do awards show shit together! And, ugh, they looked fucking perfect), and since then they’ve vacationed together, acting all touchy feely at Robert Downey Jr.’s birthday party, and, GET THIS, they’re still living together!! WHAT THE HELL?!

So, apparently Gwyneth Paltrow has a stalker (they do say that men love bitches), and recently she filed a restraining order for him to stay the fuck away from her for three years. In her filing, she states that the restraining order also protects Chris since he lives with her. Call me crazy (many people do), but if I wanted to divorce someone, I’d probably stop living with them. Guess I’m not as mentally evolved at Gwyneth Paltrow (I’m sure she’d agree).

Aside from still living together, they’re still going to parties together! On May 15th, they attended the launch party for some book by one of her Goop contributors.

And last month, while attending Robert Downey Jr.’s 49th birthday party together, apparently they were holding hands and laughing and very affectionate with each other. I AM SO CONFUSED!

I feel like Gwyneth Paltrow is just consistently trying to fuck with the public. Like maybe Goop and all the stupid shit she says, and now her “separation” are just a big fucking joke she’s playing on the public. If I learned anything from “Cruel Intentions” it’s that rich people get bored and like to fuck with people for fun, which is what I assume Gwyneth is doing.

I’m onto you, Gwyneth Paltrow. You can’t fool me. I’m basically the Columbo of the Celebrity Blogging World.