Grooverider Goes To Jail For Carrying Tiny Drug Stash
If you're going to commit a crime, it's best to do it in Britain.
Why? Because on these blustery shores, a convicted mass-murderer with bullets for teeth could go on a Samurai-sword-wielding rampage through a nursing home and still get off with three hours' community service scrubbing a wall. Somewhere further afield – let's say Dubai, for that's indeed where this wee news story takes place – things are handled with a little less impunity.
If you need proof of this, the best person you could ask would be Radio 1's very own Grooverider. The DJ – who pioneered drum 'n' bass back when it was an underground sensation, and before it got exclusively adopted by beanie-wearing Kensington kids trying to be 'street' – has found himself in a spot of bother with the Dubai authorities after being caught at the airport with two grams of cannabis in his pocket.
A four-year spot of bother, to be precise.
That's right: for possessing the amount of weed that wouldn't have seen hecklerspray through an afternoon back in our university days, Grooverider – real name Raymond Bingham – has been sent to jail for the grand total of 48 months. A touch unfair, many of you may be thinking. And, speaking from his cell, the man himself would be quick to agree:
"I just want this to end and to never come back. It was a small amount. Back home I would not even get prosecuted."
Meanwhile, a spokesperson from the BBC – presumably from the 'Incredibly Obvious And Somewhat Patronising' department – said the following:
"He made a serious mistake and is paying a very high price."
Nothing like a bit of sympathy from your employers, eh? We're sure that Grooverider is holding that supportive message close to his chest as he huddles into his prison bunk (which he no doubt shares with 52 imprisoned migrant workers who got thrown behind bars for asking for a bit more money). Here's hoping the situation gets resolved soon, and the Groovester can get back to his day job within the UK Media Industry, which – as we all know – is completely drug-free in every single way.
In the meantime, expect celebrities to be avoiding Dubai like the plague. Well, maybe not all of them. Despite being officially illegal over there, prostitution is apparently rife, with the police constantly overlooking the fact that the nightclubs are forever packed with rancid hookers getting their tits out to gather attention.
Jordan would feel right at home.
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who the hell goes through customs with drugs in thier pocket though, really? tit
who are you carmela? i’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve displayed your khmer rouge-like empathy for innocent folk. four years for a teenth! it’s fucking disgusting. i’d do something about it if i wasn’t so stoned. tell you what, i’ll join a facebook group about it. done. my conscious is clean.
Carmela’s a very welcome regular round these parts, Paul – or, to put it another way, one of the ‘Spray Massive’, a name which I’d officially patent if I wasn’t so busy sparking up a killer bong.
Puff puff pass, C J, you bogartin’ little bitch.
C’mon people, who ate all the oreos? I got the munchies, man!!
Dubai really is doing great things
to promote itself as The Great Getaway spot.
For instance, there is a significant amount
of rape! Teenage boys are preferred, because
if they complain about it to anyone, they
get arrested for the crime of homosexuality!
What a blast! Bring the kids! Widen their
eyes to the big bright world! Get them jailed for being raped!
Or for having enough weed to make your dog hungry.
I’m booking my flight now… to anywhere else.
you forget about the filth dvds he was busted with that didnt go down too well either