We're going to need two helpers – one to tape up George Lucas while we hold him down, and another one to force a snooker ball into his mouth.
We're not violent people, but it looks like this might be the only way to stop George Lucas from making Star Wars movies. Three years after he promised that Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge Of The Sith would be the last Star Wars film, George Lucas has announced that an animated movie called Star Wars: The Clone Wars will be released in August.
Rubbish, we know – but at least Star Wars: The Clone Wars won't have Ewan McGregor in it, so you won't feel the urge to stand up, run down the aisle of the cinema and start smacking at the screens with your fists this time. Oh, who are we kidding, yes you will.
2008 promises to be a big year for George Lucas, because between now and Christmas he looks set to run more of his good ideas into the dirt than ever before.
First comes Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, a kind of follow-up to the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles subtitled the Really Really Stupidly Sodding Old Indiana Jones Chronicles. And now George Lucas has announced the imminent arrival of another Star Wars movie, too. If he gets a wriggle on, Lucas might also be able to churn out a Willow sequel starring a trio of rapping carrots just to get the hat-trick.
But anyway, back to Star Wars – the scab that George Lucas can't stop clawing at. Even though the last three Star Wars prequels served no real purpose other than to destroy people's happy memories of the original Star Wars movies, explain the trade issues of a made-up planet in excruciating detail and introduce the word "Nooooooo!" into people's vocabulary, George Lucas is back for more.
Yes, more. George Lucas has looked at Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return Of The Jedi, The Phantom Menace, Attack Of The Clones, Revenge Of The Sith, The Star Wars Holiday Special, Caravan Of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, Ewoks: Battle For Endor, Droids, Ewoks, the Clone Wars cartoon, the 219 Star Wars novels, the 96 Star Wars videogames and the Darth Tater Star Wars Mr Potato Head and inexplicably decided that he'd somehow missed a bit.
Even though George Lucas quit the movie game in 2006 and Lucasfilms last year officially announced that there'd never be another Star Wars movie made, it turns out those were great big fibs – according to the Los Angeles Times, George Lucas has the Star Wars: The Clone Wars movie ready for theatrical release in August:
"Star Wars: The Clone Wars," a new stylized, computer-animated feature film, will open Aug. 15 in theaters… The film and series will center on the wartime tales of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi and feature Padme Amidala, Mace Windu, Count Dooku and the other characters introduced in the second trilogy of live-action "Star Wars" films that began in 1999. "I felt like there were a lot more 'Star Wars' stories left to tell," Lucas said in a Tuesday press release. "I was eager to start telling some of them through animation and, at the same time, push the art of the animation forward."
Add to this the fact that George Lucas still seems weirdly determined to make that Star Wars TV show and we can draw a couple of conclusions here – either George Lucas has decided that he hasn't quite managed to wring enough cash out of Star Wars yet or he's realised that the only way to make The Phantom Menace look like the masterpiece he wanted it to be is by making stuff that's even worse in comparison.
So what's Star Wars: The Clone Wars going to be like? Apparently it'll differ from the previous Clone Wars cartoon visually – we're promised that it'll have photo-realistic graphics and characters that look like puppets.
So identical to Revenge Of The Sith, then.
Read more:
Bob says
Don’t like it, don’t watch it. They’re only films, I’m sure you can find a Hostel 3 or other such nonsense to feed your hate instead.
DYMongoose says
You know, if you don’t want to see another star wars movie, don’t go and see the movie! I’s a novel idea, I know. There’s no need to “Stop George Lucas from making Star Wars movies.” That’s where he gets his money from, and the people who like the franchise will pay to see them. If you don’t like the movies, get over it and watch something else.
I hate the “American Pie” series, but do I whine about it? No! I just simply don’t pay to see the movies.
DYMongoose says
Also, It’s technically not a movie, but rather the Series premiere to a television series. It just happens to be shown on a movie screen.
gir says
Don’t like a story you see here on hecklerspray? Please, read it and then tell the entire internet about it. Here are a few helpful tips:
1) Admonish the author that all he/she needs to do is ignore the subject of the story. Bonus points for using one of the following: get over it, get a life, why don’t you ______ instead
2) Emphasize your intelligence by using big words; correctly or not, doesn’t matter. Or conversely, emphasize your passion with a poorly spelled, highly punctuated missive on which readers can practically see the flecks of spittle.
3) Fuck this list man this shit is serious effort
mst3kster says
Right on, gir!! I can’t believe the seriouness of some these posts. I had to be passive with a poster here because their attacks reminded me too much of my whacked-out – did WAY too much LSD (and every other drug) in the 60s – older sister, that I became so scared too death that a giant human-like claw was going to burst through my monitor and rip my face across the room.
This is a humor based website. You’re suppose to laugh at the articles because they’re funny.
Now if this was CNN…
Defender90 says
Ewan McGregor ain’t nothin’ worth punchin’ the screen about compared to Hayden Christensen in the 2 SW films he was in. The “love story” scenes between Hayden and Natalie Portman had some of the worst-written sh*te in the history of movie dialogue. They can’t get that bloody helmet on Darth’s head fast enough for me.
David Hargreaves says
“You’re suppose to laugh at the articles because they’re funny.”
Then they should try writing something funny nect time.