For a film that nobody we've ever met has expressed the slightest desire to ever go and see, The Queen is doing rather well at the moment, pulling in awards and Oscar nominations like nobody's business – but it's a little bit too rude for some ears.
Apparently versions of The Queen that are being shown on various airlines around the world have been edited so as not to offend sensitive passengers. What has been edited out of The Queen? The scene where a topless Queen Elizabeth II is seen suckling her corgis on her breast while dancing to Bitch Ass Niggaz by Goon Squad? The scene where, after a trainee footman brings her the wrong sort of egg for breakfast, the Queen chides him by saying "Devonshire, you really are a fucking wanker sometimes"? The scene where the Queen blasts a passenger jet out of the sky with a bazooka, turns to the camera and says "You're next, flighty" while running her finger across her throat? No. It was God. The airline edited all mention of the word "God" out of The Queen.
Watching films on an aeroplane must rank as one of the least enjoyable experiences known to man at the best of times. Forced to stay awake for the entire nine-hour flight thanks to all the bowel-evacuating turbulence, you either have the choice of watching endless episodes of Just For Laughs – which are invariably about as amusing as choking to death on candyfloss – or watching a newish film that's been hacked to pieces by an overzealous, unpaid editor who doesn't care that the finished article is roughly as comprehensible as watching a stranger's dreams in fast-forward on a pirated DVD.
Now imagine that the film showing on the plane is The Queen. Sure, The Queen is having a critical beach-party at the moment – it's won film critic awards, Golden Globes, Directors Guild nominations, Venice Film Festival awards and Oscar nominations by the sackful – but would you actually want to see a long, buttoned-up film about the dour ruler of a dour country in her dourest hour? Of course not. And especially when it's been edited in such a ludicrous way that the word "God" has been deemed to be a swearword, even though it's in the title of the national anthem of the country that the lead character in The Queen is in charge of? That's exactly what has happened, according to MSNBC:
So much for God and country, at least during some in-flight showings of the Oscar-nominated movie “The Queen.” All mentions of God are bleeped out of a version of the film distributed to Delta and some other airlines… Airline passengers watching the movie hear, “(Bleep) bless you, ma’am,” as one character speaks to the queen. In all, the word “God” is bleeped seven times. (At no time in the original movie is “God save the queen” uttered.)
Now, the world has enough swearwords already – shit, bum, shitty bum, bumhole, bum off you effing shit, wank, minge, tit, knickers, pissflaps, badger cock, flange, Martine McCutcheon – so deeming the word 'God' to be one of them seems a little bit overcautious, especially when spoken by the Queen, a woman who couldn't be offensive if you dressed her in a white hood and gave her a flaming crucifix. Fingers crossed that this mess is cleaned up quickly and quietly.
A spokesman for the Queen told us to fuck off or he'd come round and shit through our letterbox.
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Big Baby says
HA – nice article. Some people are unbelivable