George Michael Prefers To Remain Curious About His AIDS Possibility
Then buzz it up
September 25th, 2007 at 13:30 by Shawn Lindseth
AIDS is a horrible disease most often transmitted through cigarette smoke and dolphin meat. We know this because we've researched it since the seventies.
Our studies also show the sickness doesn't start out as AIDS - first it's HIV. And before it's HIV it's often pneumonia and/or the whooping cough. There's a whole chain of diseases that precede it actually, but AIDS is definitely the evil culmination. Although we don't hate AIDS because it's rampant monkey carriers have never assaulted us, it does have a distinct and unpleasant aura about it.
If we had a time machine we'd travel back and impede the gay gorilla that first seduced a sailor or something, thus passing the sickness on to humankind. We hate that monkey. George Michael probably hates that well-dressed monkey too - maybe even more than we do. He's a rampant drug-loving homosexual who hasn't had an AIDS test in years because he's terrified of the possible results.
This is a fact he let slip in an interview. He wishes he hadn't.
So says some guy who knows.
Right now there's a tubby gay truck driver crouching in his usual bush repeating "This isn't happening" over and over again. George Michael's almost-husband may be thinking the same thing. If Diana was still alive she'd probably breath a sigh of relief that her greatest desire ever was never granted.
The Freedom 90 singer was recently interviewed on BBC where things, apparently, took an AIDS-test turn. The turn likely came up because Anselmo Feleppa, George's former flame, died of the virus. Ross Wilson, a producer on the show wherein Michael was interviewed said:
"George says he does not believe in tests. He says he finds the wait for results to harrowing and that he hasn't had a test since at least 2004 due to his fears it might be positive."
That's actually smart. Think about it - if the test did come back positive then George Michael would have to spend some of his drug money on death delaying medication and chemotherapy.
AIDS gets chemo, right? Well if it doesn't it should. We've been studying this crap since the seventies!
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September 25th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Ah, Shawn, reading your articles is a like watching a wittier and slightly more personal version of Family Guy. They’re awesome.
September 26th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
George Michael has got it sussed… if you dont get tested for it…. you can’t possibly have it.
someone should tell the doctors to stop the testing.. they’re condeming people! :O(
maybe also if you dont get tested but remain fearful that you may have it, that in itself is a cure. so its a double cover. nice one Georgieboy.
September 26th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
AIDS is an urban myth created by the aristocracy to keep the working man down. Look at the list of ’supposed’ sufferers: Rock Hudson, Denholm Elliott, Simon Cowell, Billy Connelly, etc. All working class. Its about time we stopped this nonsense and overthrew this goverment.