George Michael Prefers To Remain Curious About His AIDS Possibility

George Michael AIDS HIV Results BBC InterviewAIDS is a horrible disease most often transmitted through cigarette smoke and dolphin meat. We know this because we've researched it since the seventies.

Our studies also show the sickness doesn't start out as AIDS – first it's HIV. And before it's HIV it's often pneumonia and/or the whooping cough. There's a whole chain of diseases that precede it actually, but AIDS is definitely the evil culmination. Although we don't hate AIDS because it's rampant monkey carriers have never assaulted us, it does have a distinct and unpleasant aura about it.

If we had a time machine we'd travel back and impede the gay gorilla that first seduced a sailor or something, thus passing the sickness on to humankind. We hate that monkey. George Michael probably hates that well-dressed monkey too – maybe even more than we do. He's a rampant drug-loving homosexual who hasn't had an AIDS test in years because he's terrified of the possible results.

This is a fact he let slip in an interview. He wishes he hadn't.

So says some guy who knows.

Right now there's a tubby gay truck driver crouching in his usual bush repeating "This isn't happening" over and over again. George Michael's almost-husband may be thinking the same thing. If Diana was still alive she'd probably breath a sigh of relief that her greatest desire ever was never granted.

The Freedom 90 singer was recently interviewed on BBC where things, apparently, took an AIDS-test turn. The turn likely came up because Anselmo Feleppa, George's former flame, died of the virus. Ross Wilson, a producer on the show wherein Michael was interviewed said:

"George says he does not believe in tests. He says he finds the wait for results to harrowing and that he hasn't had a test since at least 2004 due to his fears it might be positive."

That's actually smart. Think about it – if the test did come back positive then George Michael would have to spend some of his drug money on death delaying medication and chemotherapy.

AIDS gets chemo, right? Well if it doesn't it should. We've been studying this crap since the seventies!

Read More:

George Michael Retracts HIV Interview – Yahoo Music

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Comments

  1. Adam Gade says

    Ah, Shawn, reading your articles is a like watching a wittier and slightly more personal version of Family Guy. They’re awesome.

  2. Phsyt says

    George Michael has got it sussed… if you dont get tested for it…. you can’t possibly have it.
    someone should tell the doctors to stop the testing.. they’re condeming people! :O(

    maybe also if you dont get tested but remain fearful that you may have it, that in itself is a cure. so its a double cover. nice one Georgieboy.

  3. Prince Charles says

    AIDS is an urban myth created by the aristocracy to keep the working man down. Look at the list of ‘supposed’ sufferers: Rock Hudson, Denholm Elliott, Simon Cowell, Billy Connelly, etc. All working class. Its about time we stopped this nonsense and overthrew this goverment.

  4. richard says

    homos shouldn’t do it up the bottom, then they woodn’t get aids!!!!
    anal sex equals aids, herpes, syphillis, gonorreah,

  5. Cedric Beedlebug says

    Smoking worms can cause hiv……..

    For the dense out there, smoking = sucking and worms = cocks

  6. onlyme says

    omg i almost pmsl when i googled has George Michael got Aids …and yours was the 1st page to come with the heading ..AIDS is a horrible disease most often transmitted through cigarette smoke …and made me own little joke up about ,he been keeping away from the wrong kind of butts n that they hes got it …maybe this will be his last christmas hehe

  7. nd of theline says

    I have a friend whose wife has HIV, from a past love. It has had a profound effect on the family. They do not have a family together, although he is a stepfather and grandfather. he has in effect been robbed of his own blood family. When it comes to decent blokes, my friend is fantastic, and although I don’t know his wife, I do know that she is lucky to have him. He speaks very highly of her in an almost poetic way. He is now a very good friend of myself and my son.
    Love you M x

  8. LeFarts says

    Quote…………..” The HIV is strong in this one…” Taken from an interview with a psychic dog about George Michael, translated through a medium………And why should it be trusted !!!
    Because everyone knows that dogs have an extra sensory thingy, and it was a Labrador, now who the hell dont like Lab’s !! One of the most trusted dogs on the planet, so if you can’t trust a Lab, well who the hell can you trust ?
    Not to mention, George Michael himself declined to comment on the interview, which as anyone knows, is an admittance of guilt………….Nuff Said !!

  9. LeFarts says

    Hmm………..i sence that you have angered the Kev !!

    In dire times such as these we need to impose a new-fangled device……..we shall call it A SENSE OF HUMOR……….now go fucking get one KEV.

    Douchebags………..chances are we have all met someone that fits the description, but ladies and gents, just to let you know, we are in the presence of one of the finest on the planet……………Round Of Applause For Kev…………….

  10. Kevin O'Reilly says

    I may be a douchebag, this is true, but i’m not (nor have i ever been) so thrilled, this is the first time in my life that someone actually responded to one of my comments.

    Usually they just automatically assume that im such a Pompus self indulging ignorant inbred wanker that they ignore my posts, and rightfully so, but LeFarts really gave me the credit and notoriety that i deserve, if i was straight i would probably hook him up with my sister, even my mother, hell, lets go all out, i would hook him up with them both and hopefully be given the oppertunity to film it !
    But because i’m gay i would forego any of the hooking up nonsense, and just keep him for myself, but only if i was recieving……….All the time…..

    Thank you LeFarts…………you are my hero, and always will be XXX

  11. LeFarts says

    Not to mention the occasional tomato seed stuck in the end of your nob, experience has taught me to always make sure they have been eating the correct food types.
    And let me tell you, going to a doctor because of an infection caused by tomato seed stuck in your tallywacker is in no way one of lifes greatest achievements !!

  12. bubba says

    faggits, i r smert enuff to be prisident of merica, n i no faggits that take it in the butt shud di, fukin faggits.
    Mericans r smerter than any faggit, i gots me a doctrate in sycoligy, so i r smerter than any of yo.

    Merica………n if you aint from heer, then up yours

  13. LeFarts says

    Truly one of the best written comments i have ever had the pleasure to have read Bubba, no could you please finish the dishes, the customers are in need of clean plates………oh, and as for your “Doctrate degree” your sister giving you a gold star just because you didnt colour outside of the lines doesnt count……..sorry !!

  14. Reimer says

    After his last tearful press conference I’m sure George must now know for sure he has AIDS. He has replaced Diana as the would-be Queen of Hearts, prompting gushing comments on blogs from wristband-wearing women. Or perhaps he is the Queen of Arse.

  15. DAMNCHARLIE says

    Well I used to like George M back in the 80′s, around the time I liked Boy George too. Anyway, if your getting gay sex in a public rest room you already know your results.