Gary Coleman is already a wrinkly old middle-aged former childstar midget, and for most people this would normally be enough – but not our Gary Coleman.
You see, Gary Coleman seems hell-bent on entertaining us in a variety of other ways, too. Like, for example, repeatedly punching a man and then running him over in his truck just because the man tried to take his photo, which is allegedly what Gary Coleman did early on Saturday morning.
This isn’t Gary Coleman’s first brush with trouble either – his other violent exploits have included the time he punched a woman in a shop, the time his constant angry outbursts prompted an appearance on the TV show Divorce Court and the time that he helped protect the moon of Endor from the advancing Imperial Stormtroopers.
Gary Coleman is just an inherently funny man, no matter what he does. He’s such a master of comedy that he’s able to do all kinds of unfunny stuff that seem utterly adorable and hilarious simply because it’s him doing it.
For instance, “What’chu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” isn’t a particularly funny sentence unless it’s being spoken by Gary Coleman. Similarly, the sight of a man beating up the inside of his own car in the throes of what appears to be a psychological-disturbed episode isn’t funny either – unless it’s Gary Coleman doing it, in which case it becomes bloody hilarious.
And confused, possibly drunken, fights in Utah bowling alleys that end up with a man being knocked down by a truck certainly aren’t funny in the slightest. Unless it’s Gary Coleman driving the truck, in which case it’s literally the funniest thing ever done by anyone and should be shown on a loop on every screen in the world for an hour a day just to cheer everyone up a bit.
Which is just as well, really, because it seems as if Gary Coleman really has knocked a man over with a truck during a fight.
According to reports, Gary Coleman was bowling with his wife Shannon Price on Saturday morning when he was approached by a man named Colt Rushton, who asked if he could take a photo of Gary. Gary apparently refused, sending Colt into such a rage that he followed the couple into the car park, causing him to accidentally get hit by Gary Coleman’s truck as it was reversing.
That report, incidentally, was by Gary Coleman. Other reports tend to take the following view, as told by E! Online:
Rushton has a different side of the story. He says he was just trying to get his cell phone back from Shannon, who had snatched it away. That’s when Coleman put his truck in gear and and knocked him to the ground. He also said Gary threw several punches at him before getting behind the wheel.
Chances are we’ll only be able to get to the bottom of this mess once the police investigation into the incident has concluded, although the important fact of the matter is that Gary Coleman – intentionally or not – ran a man over in his truck, and that in itself has made our flipping day.
Still, though, if Gary Coleman was out bowling with his wife, then it must mean that they’ve patched up the differences that caused them to start divorce proceedings a few months ago. Perhaps it’s true what they say after all – the best way to a woman’s heart really does involve running a bloke over in a truck. And having funny little stubby arms. And somehow managing to look really old and really young at the same time. And bowling. And Utah.
Mithaearon says
What you talkin’ ’bout Stu?
Jill says
Coleman, the “has been” that cannot seem to go away, should be flattered that anyone would want to take his picture. What a little jerk. If he did have any fans, they have all passed on or have moved on. He remains a legend in his own mind. Leave him alone. He will be upset when people “stop” wanting to take his picture. He is a poor, pititful, excuse of a has been.
Sarah says
thanks for the mental image of gary coleman trying to punch someone who’s got to be at least two feet taller than him. this is the best…