hecklerspray has so much empathy and love for retarded people that sometimes we feel like positively bursting.
The movie Lawnmower Man had us in sad tears when Jobe's sudden loss of retarded innocence made him live in a computer and kill stuff all the time. And the movie Radio, well we just wanted to reach right through the screen and fix Cuba's retarded little teeth.
Oh, and Forrest Gump, well that's the film that caused our great retarded awakening. Before that one we'd always get mad when our cousin Todd would hide peeled fruit in the couch. Now though, now we get it – and we owe it all to Forrest Gump. You know, wouldn't a sequel be great?
Apparently Paramount thinks so.
We may have a Forrest Gump sequel on our hands soon. Our extremely reliable sources tell us the movie will open with Forrest trying to get his son into a school by lending out his mother's decomposed body. That was sick.
We're also told the Forrest Gump sequel will stay true to the original, except Forrest's role will be played by 60 year old Sylvester Stallone, and his character will be sent alone into an Asian country to save 10,000 American-friendly pumas that are being held captive on restaurant cutting-boards. Award winning actor Forrest Whitaker will play the role of Jenny's tombstone.
OK, we've pumped you full of lies so far. The truth is the Forrest Gump sequel has been floating around script-wise for a few years now, and there already is a follow-up novel based on the character called Gump & Co. The movie hasn't been made yet because of disagreements between several pivotal people, but all those roadblocks now seem to have been removed. As Rotten Tomatoes put it:
"Seems that there was some bad blood (as in debts and litigation) between original "Gump" author Winston Groom and Paramount, but one source indicates that all involved parties have become friends again, which means Eric Roth's screenplay for the sequel may (again) see some attention. No word yet on Tom Hanks' involvement in the project."
Plot-wise, the Forrest Gump sequel story could probably be better. That's what we're telling Paramount anyway. We keep telling them to make all the girls midgets, all the boys black-albinos, and set the story far enough in the future that Forrest could drive an asteroid into the sun to save the last colony of dinosaurs that have lived there ever since the sun was Jupiter's littlest moon. Unfortunately the people behind the next Gump 'film' – and we use that term loosely – don't think the cryogenics needed to make that tale even plausible will ever be a stupid reality. They're so dumb. Their plot will no doubt revolve around the "book" because that's what the movie is supposed to be "based on". Hollywood is such a clique. We're on the outside looking in y'all. The actual book-plot of the Forrest Gump sequel though, it did get summed up pretty well by Wikipedia:
"Several years after the events of Forrest Gump, Forrest's shrimping business has gone bust. Jenny has died, leaving Forrest to provide for Forrest, Jr., his intelligent, though emotionally distant, son. Forrest's mother has also died. Jenny occasionally makes an appearance as a sort of guardian angel for Forrest and their son. As in the first book, Gump stumbles through important U.S. events in the 1980s and early 1990s. He plays football for the New Orleans Saints, sells encyclopedias, works on a pig farm, and helps develop the infamous New Coke. He accidentally crashes the Exxon Valdez, helps destroy the Berlin Wall, and fights in Operation Desert Storm. He meets many celebrities, including Oliver North, the Ayatollah Khomeini, Jim Bakker, Ivan Boesky, Ronald Reagan, Saddam Hussein, Bill and Hillary Clinton, and of course, Tom Hanks."
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Lance K says
Wasn’t the kid from the sixth sense Gump’s kid at the end of the first movie? Maybe he’ll make a comeback
James Johanson says
Was this article suppose to be funny? Some of the worst writing I have read in a long time. Take some ENG 101 couses at the local community college. It is hard to believe that an editor would let this article be posted? Poorly written and in very bad taste. I do not feel like commenting on Forest Gump II anymore after reading this article(I was going to share my inside information).
What-The? says
I agree, that was a horrible article. I read the sequel book like 10 years ago, and I remember enjoying it. I never really thought of Forrest as “retarded”, as you so shabbily wrote. I just always saw him as slow in some ways, but extroardinary in other ways. I for one would love to see a sequel. Tom Hanks rules, and I think he could make any movie good.