You may think that Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas would be too busy making up songs about her knockers to worry about wider social problems, but you'd be wrong – Fergie cares.
Fergie cares about many things. OK, so judging by the sleeve of her new single Fergie doesn't care about rudimentary architectural geography or major British cities, but she cares about other stuff. Like the amount of drugs that gay people take. Fergie says that you gay people take way too many drugs and you should probably stop it. And while she's at it, what's with those shoes?
Fergie – formerly Fergie From The Black Eyed Peas but now Fergie From That London Bridge Song That's A Lot Of Pants – knows that she's got an album to sell. And Fergie also knows that without those anonymous blokes standing behind her going "uh uh uh" while she makes up a rhyme about what lovely bazzers she's got, she needs a hook to hang her publicity campaign from. And, by jove, she's found it – Fergie seems determined to sell copies of her new solo album The Duchess purely through yammering on about drugs.
You see, Fergie used to be a drug addict. We know this because that's all that Fergie ever talks about. Crystal meth was the hardest boyfriend that Fergie has ever had to break up with, she says, even though she managed to do it by text just after crystal meth took her out for dinner and thought everything was OK with them. And now Fergie has pointed her weird obsession with drugs outwards to the gay community, and told all the gay people – via an interview in HX magazine – that they should stop taking so many drugs:
"In my experience, ecstasy leads to crystal meth, and I just think that people don't know how addictive that drug is. It's so cunning because it's such a fun drug at first. You lose weight and look great for a while, but I don't care if it takes six months or five years, it will creep up on you. Don't be fooled and think you're special."
Heterosexual people, we presume this means that you can carry on taking ecstasy and crystal meth, since you're hardly likely to buy Fergie's album anyway. Also during the interview Fergie had a pop at blogs, by mentioning that her new song Pedestal was all about everyone on the internet laughing at the fact that Fergie pissed herself during a concert once:
"I just think, 'Wow, I've worked so hard for this, but what are you people doing other than sitting there behind your computers and talking shit about people?' If people don't like me, fine, but don't criticise people if you're not getting off you're ass and doing something about your own life."
You know, Fergie's got a point. That's why this will be the final ever hecklerspray post. Instead of sitting here behind our computers and talking shit about people, we're going to forge a career as a singing child star, voice a character in a deeply unfunny series of cartoons about a wistful dog, go off the rails and take loads of drugs before reinventing ourselves as a popstar who only ever talks about how many drugs we've taken and only singing about the lousy lumps of fat strapped to our ribcages. Sounds like the good life to us.
Read more:
Fergie tells gay fans to quit drugs – Life Style Extra
[story by Stuart Heritage]
Bill Mosely says
I loved the article….thought it was very funny!!!
i think homos are fags!!!!!! says
why do you have such a dumb drug thing!!!!!!!!!!??????????????
wth says
Fergies got a point, everyones pissed their damn pants at one point – and if she wants to pick “drug free” to be her ‘good cause’ then i think she’s probly the best
person for that campagin, since she’s had experience…
chris says
did fergie do something to you personally, or are you just jealous? loser
dustin irwen says
that is an akward pic of fergie
lmao at u says
she did confess she use to do drugs to fitness magazine
http://new.music.yahoo.com/fergie/news/fergie-discusses-drug-nightmare-in-interview–44687949