Jon & Kate Plus 8. It’s the show that nobody knew existed until it was in some magazines and crap, and now everybody loves.
And thanks to the tedious allegations of infidelity that have been rocking the Gosselin family since, oh, let’s say the dawn of time, the first episode of the new Jon & Kate Plus 8 season has drawn in record viewers for its network TLC.
In total, 9.8 million rubberneckers tuned into Jon & Kate Plus 8. That’s 9.7 million higher than TLC’s record – an episode of Mystery Diagnosis about a woman who thought she was being followed around by a goat.
If there’s one thing we know, it’s that misery sells. It’s why people wouldn’t have gone to see The Dark Knight if it was called Mr Flopsy’s Enchanted Rainbow, it’s why people have suddenly remembered that Jordan and Peter Andre are still alive, and it’s why everybody tuned into the season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 on Monday night.
You know the Jon & Kate Plus 8 story by now. It goes like this – boy meets girl, boy knocks girl up more times than is really necessary, boy and girl spend two years making interminable TV shows about their stupid family that nobody cares about, boy possibly sleeps with someone else, girl literally turns into a monster, everybody starts watching their show. It’s a good story, really. No, wait, did we say good? We meant awful. Our mistake.
But because everyone cares about Jon & Kate Plus 8 all of a sudden – partially because they’ve been on the front cover of every single magazine in America over the last month pulling a succession of more and more harrowing facial expressions, and partially because Kate Gosselin has yet to grasp the irony of complaining about media intrusion when you’re the star of a reality show – a total of 9.8 million people saw the first episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 season five on Monday, approximately double the amount who saw the season four finale.
And what happened in Jon & Kate Plus 8? Not a lot. Some kids had a birthday party and Kate looked a bit sad briefly. But that didn’t stop Jon and Kate Gosselin from releasing this statement directly after it finished:
?As many couples do, we are navigating a very difficult time. Our current situation brings us together around the children and some times sets us apart. We keep our faith that we will make the right decisions for our family.?
A joint statement full of bland words that barely mean anything? Oh no, this means that Jon and Kate might have put their trouble behind them! This is going to be terrible for the Jon & Kate Plus 8 ratings. Quick, kids, it’s time to break out that emergency misery procedure we discussed! Kid 2, start smoking! Kid 7, accidentally drown yourself in a pond! Kid 5, catch meningitis! The rest of you, self-harm! For the love of God, self-harm for everything you’re worth! We need these numbers!
But let’s say that Jon and Kate Gosselin do manage to move on from their relationship woes. It’s not the end of the world – we can always move on to one of TLC’s other reality shows about exceptionally large families, like Table For 12 or 18 Kids And Counting or I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant or I Literally Just Shat Out A Baby, Just Now, Right Out Of My Arse, And Oh God Here Comes Another One.
See? There are plenty of options.
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Pat says
The best gift and example Jon and Kate can set for their children and viewing public is to love one another. Love is not just an emotion but an ACT of ones will and looking for ways to love those who oppose you. This a precious, special family and love will prevail especially when they reflect the love that God demonstrates towards them. Meditate on the contents of the Lords prayer.
Hannah says
God, how cynical and bitter.
I know for a fact that many people watch and HAVE BEEN watching the show because the kids are adorable and entertaining, not because they wish to see the kids “self-harm”.
FYI, they have been getting high ratings even before all the drama started. It wasn’t “the show that nobody knew existed”.
I am sick of people bashing this family and leeching on them to write articles, commentaries or whatever you call it.
If you dislike them so much, here’s an idea. Stop watching the show, stop writing about it, and stop b*ching and whining!
lacy says
i luv luv luv this article not only because it screams the truth about this show but because the writing in this article is so good. Right when I began reading my eyes were glued to the screen, luv luv luv it! and you are so right I knew nothing about this show until I saw there faces plastered on a whole bunch of magazines and even now after watching some episodes I still dont understand the fascination around this couple. oh and the last two paragraphs of this article are just brilliant, I almost fell out of my chair laughing. :)
Rick Garner says
Although the prayer schedule featured on the link below has the Gosselin’s with 24/7 prayer coverage, there’s always more room to remember this family in the coming days as the media and others continue their campaign of gossip and hate.
http://richardtgarner.blogspot.com/2009/05/i-can-honestly-say-jon-is-my-best.htmlRick
Dr. Dale Archer says
With all the talk about the infidelity of Jon & Kate Gosselin, what role does fidelity have in our culture? I also wonder what affect it will have on the “8” as they get older.
Yobachi says
You do know what the word “literally” means, do you not? 10 million out of a nation of 300 million plus doesn’t even slightly approach “literally everybody”. That’s about 3%. That would be like being in a room of 100 people, and 3 have a cold; and you saying literally everybody in this room has a cold.
And nobody knew exited? Obviously it’s taken a big leap forward with the controversies of the last few weeks; but I think it averaged around 3.5 million weekly viewers, which means it had about 5 million semi-regular to regular viewers.
By your own admission the previous episode had more than half the views of this one; which is about 5 million people. Let’s not be so mellow dramatic; especially with facts.
moneyremix says
An old friend of Jon’s (Not Kate’s) speaks up (very interesting): http://tinyurl.com/oyqsfm
lilywhite says
@Yobachi:
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say they were EXAGGERATING. Perhaps even engaging in HYPERBOLE. Perhaps you aren’t aware of what site you’re on?
Oh, and it’s “melodrama.” “Mellow drama” would be kind of an oxymoron, no?
Heather says
I am not sure who this b logger is but finally a freakin genious on the net!!! Anyone who actually believe the crap that TLC and Jon and Kate are dishing out are freakin idiots. Sad thing is the kids are definitely getting more screwed up with every episode. Thanks for blogging what is so abvious that no one wants to say.
Tammy says
Hannah,
I just wanted to say thank you for your comments about Jon and Kate,I totally agree. I love the show and all this trash the media is putting them through is totally uncalled for. It really bugs me with all the crap going on in the world why the media thinks it is important to destroy this family. It’s scarey to think of what the tabloids will say and do just to sale their trashy magazines. Anyway thank you.
Rose says
John and Kate, BOO HOO, John and Kate have joined amillion other divorced families, so move on have respect for your childrens privacy and get them off the air…
sonia says
I just don’t understand why we have to put up with these people. There is millions of children who go to bed hungry every night and nobody bothers to help them out! But, yet these people are getting famous for nothing! It is a disgrace!