You know what’s hotter than lesbian sex? Lesbian sex rendered listless and infrequent by marriage!
And it turns out that’s exactly what Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will soon get to experience for themselves because – thanks to California overturning its ban on gay marriage – Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossie are totally getting married.
With the door opened for gay marriages in Hollywood, no doubt Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will want to be among the first lesbians to formalise their civil partnership. Because that way they’ll exponentially increase the chances of being the first lesbians to undertake a messy, bitterness-filled girl-on-girl celebrity divorce. We can’t wait!
Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are a match made in heaven. OK, maybe not heaven. They’re a match made in a disturbing pervert’s pornographic daydream, which is kind of the same, except all the harps are made of dildos. Possibly. Look, we’ve confused ourselves now. Start again.
Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have been a couple for four years now, which in Hollywood terms is about twelve billion trillion jillion years. However, due to a law forbidding gay marriage, Ellen and Portia never got to make their union official with a kneejerk, barely thought-out marriage to each other that had divorce written all over it right from the get-go like their heterosexual Hollywood counterparts were able to.
As well as denying them the chance to cynically sell their marriage pictures to whichever tawdry celebrity magazine offered them the most money, the ban on gay marriage also left Ellen and Portia without the legal protection afforded to other couples in the event of one of them injuring themselves or dying. But not any more.
Now that the same-sex marriage ban has been overturned in California, Ellen DeGeneres has expressed her desire to marry Portia de Rossi as soon as possible, as People reports:
Ellen DeGeneres plans to wed longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi, according to several reports. DeGeneres made the announcement Thursday, according to the Associated Press and TMZ. The news came hot on the heels of a judicial ruling that struck down California’s laws against gay marriage. De Rossi, 35, was reportedly in the studio when DeGeneres – who just celebrated her 50th birthday – made the announcement before a cheering audience.
We couldn’t be happier for Ellen and Portia, because this means that the next time they break a dog adoption contract and then bawl TV as a way to make themselves look like the victims until their slack-jawed viewers start trying to kill animal hospice workers as a berserk irrational revenge then, um, they’ll be doing it as a married couple. We’re sure that makes some difference one way or the other.
But we know what you’re thinking – if Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will get married, then what about that other high-profile lesbian Rosie O’Donnell? Well that’s a bit more tricky, partly because Rosie’s marital status is somewhat up in the air after she married her partner four years ago in San Francisco only to have it voided by the California Supreme Court six months later, but also because she’s Rosie O’Donnell. Would you want to marry her?
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Elvis Presley says
. . . . .was wondering, like . . .got any pictures. . .from an artist’s point of view of course, n’est pas. . .